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Who's to Blame
OK, here I am..putting my two cents in. I usually don't comment on
others posts..but on this occasion - I had to. But first, I thank Girl Tuesday for writing something so personal on here. This is why I asked her to write..and it took a long time..but, I'm glad she's been so honest and revealing.You see, many, many years ago, my marriage went through a change. The sex became less frequent, and even when we did have sex, my wife was less than enthusiastic. Yea, yea, there will be those of you that may say I was a bad lover, but, I don't ever remember a time that my wife didn't have an orgasm - I always made sure to please her before I got my rocks off. I was that type of lover..unselfish..willing to please and even experiment. But, once we got married she never was - never willing, never pleasing, and never, ever experimental. Lay there like a lox..step 1, step 2, done. Oral? please..that went out on our wedding day.
It's been years (probably 5) since we've actually had sex. I
stopped asking for sex after all this pent up sexual frustration and finally, when I met Ross.
Often, I'd worry that if I had sex with Ross on one afternoon, that
if at night my wife initiated sex, I wouldn't be able to perform. She never
initiated and I was having as much sex as I wanted anyway - with someone who I
enjoyed being with and enjoyed being with me.
My advice to my Girl Tuesday is: don't let it happen. I
don't think your husband is gay (that would be quite the coincidence). I think
he's either having medical issues or just doesn't realize how important sex is
to you. You need to let him know...that
it's important..and that having sex with him is what you want and need. That you're willing to work through whatever sexual issues there may be with him.
If the two of you aren't fucking by the afternoon...then you can't
blame yourself.
5 comments:
As the saying goes..."Shit happens to good people." You folks are working with it, keep it up.
Yes, she needs to approach her husband in a calm conversation, with no accusations, and show genuine concern. As with anything else in marriage, it takes both partners to succeed.
You, BIM, made your position perfectly clear with your wife and by her (non)answer to your statement made her position clear.
You both have every right to satisfy your sexual urges as you see fit - as long as it's done safely and nobody gets hurt. A marriage can survive with out sex, because a true relationship is about much more than getting off.
I really appreciated the openness on Tuesday but I agree that she needs to say something. So many times in life people hold back what they are feeling and we would all be better off if we advocated for our own needs a little more. My girlfriend and I fell into a pattern like this a while ago and when we finally talked about we were both having body image problems. But now we work out and have great sex... it just took a while. I am sorry to hear you and your wife can't have that.
Thanks for your support, BLM.
Well- I do not know what to think about your personal situation.
Sounds like the circumstances have led to your -now more than visible -homosexual side.
I had sex with my wife but also dated a man from time to time .
With the years my desire for having sex with men became more obvious, so that sex with my wife was more like an obligation.
She must have noticed this- so one thing led to another and sex between us became less and less frequent.
So I am asking myself whether having sex more frequently with men has made me shift more to the homosexual side.
I have no answer to this- but I definitely felt guilty for not giving my wife what she needed and -no doubt-would have given a lot for being 100% heterosexual.
I know from 2 close friends who have been maried for years that they experience exactly the same.
So is it I am more homosexual and this becomes more visible with the years??
I would like your audience to discuss this.
With respect to our splendid female writer I also see myself in her husband s attitude.
Doing a quick labtest is nothing but he does not seem to be suffering too much.
I also had my ideas about his sexual orientation but maybe this is exaggerated.
You have a great blog and more interesting now with the new writers!!
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