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Match Game
I left to meet "John" at his house as planned. I walked to his front door and saw it was opened..but nobody waiting at the door. So I call. I don't ever like to just walk in to someone's place..not on a CL ad..or Grindr. You never know. Someone could be just saying that and you're walking into some strangers house while he's looking out the window of some other house laughing...or worse.So, I call him..say I'm at the door and I hear him:
"Come in!"
"Hey..wasn't sure.." I say.
John is dressed in black dress pants, black dress shoes, and a grey button down shirt. He's short - 5'7" maybe? But he's a cuttie. Has some black scruff down to a goatee type small beard. I don't go for bearded guys..but, his facial hair was not at all too much. His house is nicely furnished and decorated. Everything looked new and clean.
"Sit down." he says.
We sit on the leather sectional. He was very easy to talk to. We chatted for about 20 minutes..about our jobs, about his house - he showed me around. He's getting married soon..very soon - and his wife, obviously will be moving in. So, I bring up his pending nuptials.
"So, why are you getting married?" I ask.
"What do you mean why?"
"Well, you're getting married..but you're also here..with me. Asked me to come over..isn't that odd? I mean, I get it..I'm living it..just wondering what you're thinking." I explain.
"Well, I want the family life, kids, the house..all of it." he says smiling.
"I get it..I have that. But, it's hard you know?"
He continues smiling...he's got a great smile...but...he's smiling. I'm kinda explaining how I'm torn....
"I love my kids..I wouldn't change that for anything. But it's a hard life. You're living two lives..I mean..I won't speak for you..but I'm living two lives..I know it's wrong. I'm not happy about it..I just ..I'm not trying to convince you..I'm not telling you not to get married...I'm just trying..to give you some friendly advice." I explain.
"I'm good though. It doesn't bother me. I'm cold hearted that way." he says. "It's not like I can come out to family and friends."
Strikes me oddly..this guy..he's getting married to his school yard girlfriend. But..he's into guys..he's me..but..it's 2012..he 25. He shouldn't be rushing into things...but..it's not my place to convince someone - someone I'm meeting for the first time - not to get married. To call off a marriage 1 month before it is to occur.
Yes, it would be devastating for his family, his fiance, to find out the truth - but..better now than later, no?
Or worse yet - live a life..like mine.
6 comments:
If you could go back in time and talk to the BLM before just before he got married, would you have told him not to? The grass is always greener.
Yeah, it's 2013, but it's not any easier for bisexuals. I got married when I was 25 and didn't figure out I was bisexual until I was 45. I wasn't (and am still not) about to throw away a successful marriage to a woman with whom I am still in love simply because I have a very strong need to be with men sexually. So, I do as you do. Some days, I feel better about than others. But the conflicting feelings probably never go away. If, God forbid, something happened to my wife, I think I would live a gay life, simply because I haven't done that and am unlikely to at this point. Sorry for rambling - I guess your guy will decide for himself what he can and can't live with.
Would you really lead a different life?
Enjoying sex with men whenever you can-ne living in a stable homosexual realationship iI imagine....
I do not see you that way- I d rather see you chasing young buddies as long as you can and look good.
Well I am definitely not critzising you attitude but reading your blog I do not think that you would really take a differnt decision.
Right now you have a loving family with kids- a house and correspondig social status.
So you simply pick out the good things from gay life and accept cheating on your wife- once again no critics.
This is a crucial question for all of us who want a family in an officialy reckognized heterosexual relationship.
I personally would get married again-just as I did many years ago-but must admit this is an egoistic decision.
This has been one of your best posts ever. Personal, insightful, thoughtful. This is why I like to read your blog.
Sorry if this sounds like a back handed compliment, but lately with the lame photo posts and guest bloggers, It feels like your blog is more of a chore, and you're not into it. Sorry.
I meant to say, Great post. Thanks for sharing.
A Reader
He is a big boy, he can decide for himself. Was he looking for advice?
He's smart to marry someone he knows well and with whom he has much in common. Presumably he loves her or he wouldn't be taking this step. Sex with men, however good it may feel, is never going to provide children for him. If he were to pursue his love of men (I hate the word "gay") exclusively, at the end of his life he'll be alone and that will be the end of his DNA. He may also find that once married the heterosex is so good and so abundant that he doesn't need to have sex with guys any more, at least so long as his wife doesn't blimp out on him. So let him be.
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