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Being Green
I was talking to a gay guy online. He knows I'm married...he understands that I have to keep things secretive. He's sympathetic to the strife..the conflict that is my life."It's not easy" he says.
"No it's not. But, it's not easy being gay either." I say.
He's confused..
"Yes, it is" he says.
"Well, nobody ever has to come out as straight." I tell him. "You're different. Being different isn't easy."
You'd think a gay guy would understand this. Apparently, he has a great family, supportive friends, and wonderful co-workers. But is it that easy to be gay?
Growing up, everyone assumes, for the most part, that you're straight. As you reach adolescence, some people are labeled as gay just because of the way they act or the way they distinguish themselves. The others? They still are assumed to be straight. Nobody ever has to "come out" and say, "Listen guys, It's time I tell you. I'm straight."That must be hard. Telling people you're different. That you're not the "norm". That you're not what 95% of the world is. You're that 5%. Nobody wants to be different, odd, unusual..do they?
It takes guts, it takes confidence, commitment. You'd think a gay guy would understand that.
9 comments:
Coming out is hard. That is true. But after? With the public, there is a continuum out there pretty much based on geographic location. The further away from a major city, the harder it is. Of course, with family, you have to account their beliefs, but they can surprise you. My father would freak out when I was a kid and I'd bring up something gay. Maybe because he suspected? When I came out, he was completely cool with it. It was weird, but even family can surprise you.
Is it easy to be gay? Married two kids, came out at age 46 when I met my soul mate. It was like a ton of bricks coming off my back. It is so much harder being a gay straight married guy. Looking back I wish I had come out when I was twenty. I missed so much freedom, so much of my own life. I have lived in NYC, South Florida, SC and now the pan handle. Being gay is easy. Being gay and "straight" is not. Have you ever met someone in your situation who is out and wanted to go back in? Excuses are just that, excuses.
It's a lot easier being who you really are, whether or not you are "normal." I am gay, completely out, came out in my 30s after getting married and realizing I was not being true to myself. It was very hard, yes. Yet I would not trade places with you for all the money in the world.
well I live a closeted life, having gay sex only once in a while.
I am not attracted to my wife or to female sex any longer but we have a wonderful partnership, so many things we have in common-so many memories we share.
Maybe I am lucky my sex drive is not like yours- and I am not ugly at all.
THe gay world I know is definitely often promiscous so focussed on being good-looking and hip.
In addition there are hardly any long-lasting couples- at least not many I know.
Is my expereince different from the opinion of the audience?
It is not easy being gay, its not hard either. It just is.
I look at it this way... no it is not so easy being Gay... the stigma that is self inflicted is not easy for sure. Yet I would never take the easy road and use someone else to hide it so as not to have to deal with it, that is wrong. Own who and what you are and if you cannot be out do not use someone else to hide behind. That is so unfair.
I am with Mind...it is what it is...but I agree that it is easier to be yourself, and in today's society, gays and lesbians are so much more accepted than in the past.
What age is your friend? If he is younger, then it was much easier for him than our generation.
XO FFB
Anon 3:57 says "THe gay world I know is definitely often promiscous so focussed on being good-looking and hip.
In addition there are hardly any long-lasting couples- at least not many I know.
Is my expereince different from the opinion of the audience?"
I have to answer..."yes it is". I have been with my partner for over 16 years and counting, We also have about 6 other couples in our immediate circle that have relationships that have lasted more than 15 to 25 years! The 25 year couple just turned 50. Yes a lot of guys are promiscous in younger years and sometimes that continues on for decades, but that is also true of the "straight" community. Being good-looking and hip is not just confined in the gay community.
Anon...I have to agree with BlkJack. I was married to a woman for almost 10 years. I came out to her and we divorced. I did go through a 'slutty' phase, but was lucky enough to find the man I'm supposed to be with forever. We've been together 8 years today. It does happen, more often than the 'straight' world thinks.
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