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Lesser of Two Evils
I know what I do is wrong, messing with guys behind my wife's back. I don't necessarily make excuses about it..other than it's a desire that needs to be filled. I also know ideally, thing's should be different.But, do you think me being with guys is better than me cheating on her with a girl? I've never been with another girl while being married - although I could have many opportunities. I contend the reason I'm with guys is that they provide something my wife can't (there are those that will contend I'm gay, that's why I have never been with another girl).
If you were a girl, and I cheated on you with a girl..would that make you feel worse? Or if finding out I had been with a guy, would you say "at least he didn't cheat on me with a girl?"
Again, I know it's not ideal..but at least there's no competition here.
21 comments:
They call gay guys drama queens but let me tell you, it seems to me that bisexuals are the drama queens. Here's the skinny and everyone out there, (all sexualities included) needs to take this pill and swallow it.
You are either Gay, Bi or Straight and despite the hair-splitting majority, there is no other. Once you know what you are, then based on your nature and personality, you then make a choice. Either you fuck around or you don't. It doesn't matter if it is with a man or a woman, you either do or you don't. It is an internal, personal decision and has nothing to do with anyone else.
Sure it is a moral issue to some but to others it is not. That doesn't make one group superior and the other inferior; it is just life, experience and free will.
I am not suggesting or implying right or wrong in what you are doing. You have already made your opinion on that quite clear.
If you don't want to be judged by others, then keep your trap shut and do what comes naturally. If you do want to be judged like some sort of justifying global court, then keep pouring your personal life onto the web or anywhere else that suits that need.
You have a wife whom I presume you love but if you don't, then grow some balls, regardless of whether you have children and fuck off out of her life and live the one you want. If you do love her, then you have obviously made your choice to fuck around on her behind her back. You made your choice so like the come from a cock, swallow it. Then again, could it be, figuratively speaking, that you are one of those who whine about what they taste and then spit it into a tissue and toss it into a corner. Additionally, you might also consider putting some faith in your wife, telling her the truth and facing the consequences.
You are sitting there asking strangers if they think this or that about you and what you choose to do. It isn't a matter of what is right or wrong per se, it is a matter of you living up to your own standards, your own principles, making your own choices and taking the consequences no matter what they eventually might be.
You can pose as many questions as you want and you will always get a million different or varying answers. I don't give a fuck if you are gay, bi or straight. As far as I am concerned, in real life, I would only want you as a sincere friend if you were true to yourself and were proud of it. If the life you are living is a deception that is causing you stress and anxiety, then wake up to yourself and change it to the best it can possibly be. However, if you are a drama queen, then no doubt you enjoy soaking in the swill.
You started this with "I know what I do is wrong". It isn't wrong unless you believe it is wrong and if you believe it is wrong then that doesn't say much about you as a person. Just a suggestion but why don't you accept yourself for who you are and stop trying to justify who you aren't. If you can't do that then stop choosing to lead the life you consider as wrong.
People make things so hard by being too weak to be the person they know they are. When you accept yourself and can live as yourself without guilt, then all of that shit will fall away.
I would take a stab in the dark as a man that doesn't know you and I would say that you are just scared of the reactions of people who don't know the truth. What will my parents think? What will my colleagues think? What will my friends think? What will my wife think? What will my boyfriend think? There is only one correct answer to those questions and it is one of the toughest choices for the majority of people to make. The answer is - "Fuck them if they don't like it"! It can be a lonely choice but it will always be the most empowering choice because it means you are living according to the person you are and not according to what the world or religions or cultures expect you to be.
Be who you truly are and do what you believe is right.
"If you were a girl...." Ok, I'm qualified to answer this question. Tristan is right in the ideal sense. But being true to yourself and being open about who you are can be really truly difficult for most people.
Look at an alcoholic. He may have lost his job, his family, friends, everything, and he knows that drinking is killing him. Yet he just can't stop.
Look at an overweight person. He knows what he should eat, he knows that he should, and most likely does exercise, but he can't help himself in eating those tasty things he craves, and eating just too much in general.
Something in us compels us to do things like overeat or over consume in unhealthy ways that we know is wrong, but we just can't help doing it. Tristan pointed out that BLM knows it's wrong, and then says to just stop doing it. Oh, if only it were that easy. If it were, there'd be no fat people or alcoholics, or drug addicts, etc.. They would just eat less and exercise more, and their problem would be solved, right? Self control is tremendously hard for many people.
To answer your question, BLM, I would say this. If I found out my husband was cheating on me with a girl, I would doubt my self worth. What does she have that I don't have? Why would he want to have sex with her? Am I not giving him what he needs? I would think that I was not pretty enough or adventurous enough, that there was something lacking in me that drove him to do it. I would blame myself for not being enough for him. If he was cheating with a man, I would be initially hurt by the fact that he was cheating, but I would not doubt my own self worth. He needed something that I could not provide, and I would not blame myself for being inadequate. I wonder, if I was in that situation, would I be able to work something out with him, make some kind of arrangement that would be satisfying for all involved. I like to think that I'd be open-minded enough to make it work.
I think you might have been bisexual in the beginning but you are gay now. You could care less about having sex with women. I have always thought you need to divorce your wife so she can move on and you can lead the life you want. You don't have to confess to being gay to divorce. Just say you need your freedom. I know it is a lot easier said than done!!
hi friend, nice to be here :)
happy blogging...
Your both fine and dandy, but there is yet another angle to this that you're both missing.
If a women finds out that her man is sleeping around behind her back with other men, what it means is that he would rather sleep with men than with her. The man has an obligation to sleep with his woman, yet chose to sleep with other guys.
My woman would cut off my dick, if she wasn't getting any of my cock, then no one is going to get any of my cock.
I chose to remain anonymous as I'm one of the lying cheating bastards. I like my cock and would rather not part with it in any way, yet have this urge that I can't explain, or sometimes accept.
I'm not sure why you continue to ask these open ended questions where no doubt you already know what your answer is. And no one is going to convince you otherwise. So why ask for advice you know you won't or can't follow?
thought you weren't allowing anonymous comments.
I guess it was getting really boring that you did not allow Anon posting... I believe you did that for the Girl you now have posting on an all male blog... who.. BTW is one huge yawn fest.. why have a chick posting on a Gay Male Blog??? I also believe you post this SHIT to get people to provide a comment... So here I am and my comment is... You are afraid, you are Gay and you are hurting your wife.. If your wife, friends and family found out about you cheating with a Female you would be able to maybe get over it...yet if they found out you were with a Male... the proverbial shit would hit the fan.. So stop with the nonsense we all know your Gay and you are selfish to the point of well... This Blog! Have a nice day
You chose a path in life, that at the start seems to be all you'll ever want. Then life happens, and you endure the choices that you've made. Some on here are saying that you just need to hit the reboot button, get a divorce, let the world know your gay, and start over. Well it doesn't always work like that. Sometime you have to put up with shit on a daily basis and wait for death.
If I could go back 20 years knowing what I know now, my life would be different and I bet most other peoples lives would be different, but that's not a possibility. Decisions are made and you live with those decisions, to do otherwise isn't an option.
Who would want to wake up in the morning and have their entire world destroyed; friends become your enemies, your enemies think your lower than dirt, loved ones just wished you were dead. A lot of people have endured this path, but it is a personal decision that is not an easy one to make and as time passes, harder to make.
The problems I have with you cheating with guys are two: Your wife can't fix what's wrong like she might if it was a woman...it's not in her power to meet that need and you are not just having a "fling". You've lied about who you ARE...Something any woman would be hard pressed to overcome after years of deceit. And the issue of equity...she deserves a man who loves her as a str8 man could. Women want sex and love too, just as you do....Yet you place her needs inferior to yours
Most people can understand a fling...people want to feel that "spark" again, recapture youth..blah, blah..You can fix that. Can't fix being gay and not wanting to have sex with you wife..
Which brings me to my biggest problem with all this: Your wife exists in your mind to serve your needs. Do you give any thought to what she might want and need? When was the last time you had sex with her? Years, I'll bet.She was a young woman. Despite the fairy tale promulgated on these blogs, women like sex, too. It's a normal function of human beings...ALL of them, yes, even females... If the shoe was on the other foot, you'd be outraged. And you'd have plenty of support. Why should your wife be given no consideration? You complain about how she looks, how much she eats, what she spends.....Where are her needs given equal weight or value? How is that fair?
You know you're wrong but it works for you....There's no incentive for you to change anything because YOUR needs are met. It's just not fair
Tristan made so much sense. I'm going to stop whining and looking for justifications for what I do. I'm a cheating bastard husband who likes to sleep with guys. That's the choice I made. So far, having my cake and eating it too has worked out OK. Maybe I can keep it going--but I always expect that one day . . . .
Jon
I use the same justification for cheating on my wife. She is not a man, and I need to have sex with a man too. No it is not right, but I do it.
Ok, I am blonde, but even I can figure out how to create a gmail account with a fake name on it. It takes like 2 minutes.
I look at BLMs blog like this. No matter how much anons berate him, scold him, tell him off, he is his own man, and he's gonna do what he wants to do. His blog is like an outlet of his conscience, or just a window into his soul that he is sharing. He's telling us his innermost thoughts, and many readers feel compelled to tell him what to do. Instead of judging, why don't you just listen and maybe share your own thoughts?
Oh, and Anon 8:46am, what is your blog? I'd love to take a look. :)
Girl Tuesday,
This time BLM specifically requested opinions. I quote, " if you were a girl which would be worse". He also moderates comments. Anon comments are only allowed with his consent. If he doesn't want to know how folks honestly feel, he has complete and total control over the platform.
There may be understandable, even sympathetic reasons for his behavior. Doesn't change the fact that not one person reading this would welcome the same behavior if done TO them. I'd bet my house that BLM would complain as loudly as anyone.
The upshot is: don't ask the question if you know you're not gonna like the answer
@anon So some of these anons are now mad/criticizing/contemptuous that you put anons back? LOL.
@BLM
Life dealt you a "bad" set of cards by giving you same sex attractions in a culture/society where it is still mostly frowned upon and you handled it as well as you can...but cheating with a man or a woman is you giving a similar "bad" set of cards to your wife, consciously and willingly.
Whether those cards/your infidelities are male or female is besides the point I think. The person I gave and chose to share my lifelong vows with is betrayed every time I go against them. That's enough to cut a dick off.
Hi once again- as you allow anonymous comments....
I actually used the same excuses as you do- not cheating on my wife with woman.
In the end- I was just keen on having sex with men- I am totally honest.
On the other hand I tried to find a way in between these extremes.
I cheated on my wife maybe 3-4 times in 12 months- the rest of the days I just used my hands- not doing harm to anyone.
Nonetheless there came a day where my ex-wife found out.
Since that day I face hatred in its purest version.
I lost contact with my children and my exwife told me she would do everything she can to destroy my life.
I hope this never ever happens to you.
take care
@Tity Girl.... down deep don't you feel that BLM wants to be caught..He sends up so many red flags...Take a look at his past 6 months of posting...I am not sure how much is fiction or how much is truth but this guy is riding the Gay train to being caught town..I will comment only because of the pain and sorrow he will cause his family once he is caught.. As his image will be shattered and shown that he was and is a fraud and a selfish one at that. It is unfair what he is doing to his wife and triple unfair the shame he will bring on his children. He is way to out on the edge at this point with Grinder CL and the host of other venues he uses to hook up with. Someone will catch up to him and it will be a shit storm.. and the one who pays the dearest are the innocents... I know you realize this Tity Girl...we all do.
I wouldn't even call it cheating. I would only call it cheating if you were having sex with another woman. Then it would be a cut and dry case of cheating. The way I look at it is that you're having sex with other men because your wife cannot satisfy this one particular need you have for obvious reasons. My only concern would be that I'd keep her safe from STDs. So no, it's not cheating.
So Anon @ 3:28pm, can I assume you're a gay man? If your partner, that you made a deal with to be monogamous, cheated with a woman, you'd be fine with it? Really? No problem at all? Even if he lied and went behind your back? And BLM's wife, if she was sleeping with women, you honestly think he'd have no problem with it?
The rule of thumb is if you're lying, you're cheating. He entered into a traditional marriage with all that implies. If he can't abide by the terms of the CONTRACT he entered, then leave. Because, gay or str8, marriage is a contract, whereby the parties stipulate to certain conditions. He's held his wife to the terms of the contract but somehow feels he need not uphold his end. Fair? I think not
Anon@8:51am - yea, I may be blonde, but not completely stupid. I get it. He gets it. he's cheating. We all get it. What I'm saying is that if my hubby came to me and said he still loved me as much as ever, but he had these feelings inside him that he could no longer ignore - feelings that urged him to be with another man, I'm saying that I would understand that and not take it as a personal failure than if he cheated with another woman. I have the same parts as another woman, but I don't as a man - duh. You get that, right? Strong body needs can only be ignored, denied, fought for so long. Eventually, you're going to give in. BLM has given in, but he's trying to hold his family together. I have a feeling that he has been doing this for a number of years. He's a smart man. He's not perfect, sure, but he's got a system that's working. Hopefully he can keep it going for a few more years until the kids are out of the house. Then things may change. Someone also said earlier that he doesn't have to tell peeps he's gay. Once the kids are gone, they may decide they have grown apart, and can go their separate ways. But who are we to judge?
This is clearly a work of fiction. Good fiction? For anyone who has followed his blog it is plain too see that either he married a stupid woman, or is carrying on while brainwashing her ( both highly unlikely). The wife is well aware and this is just a clever escape? Carrying on in such a manner is next too impossible if you did have a family. My money is on this being just a read not a reality. Attention seeking and possibly unattractive person decided too write a blog about what he wished was his life. That sounds like the real truth. Otherwise just by degree of separation he would most likely of been found out or outed by a former fuck. I personal do not advocated his behaviour being that I actually want equal rights and therefore do not support the destruction of gay moral image in the face of marriage. Even if it is self destruction. We are at a point in our society were it can go either way. Unfortunately this and many over sexualized values wont bring us too a point of equality that every individual should have. Sexuality is important. Heck I have a high sex drive but the fact here is simple. We don't need ego we need support. Enjoy!
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