Making Plans

I've decided to go visit my Mom in Florida for her birthday. It's been years since I've been there and, even though she travels, is active, is in great health, she's getting up there in age and I think it would be nice to spend some time together.

There usually is never a chance for me to get away from the family alone. This trip is different. They'll be staying home while I'm traveling.  Years ago, when I was in Florida, I went briefly to a Club in Ft. Lauderdale, aptly named: The Club. Apparently, they have these clubs around the US (unfortunately, none in the northeast). They are very clean, have a great gym, a beautiful outdoor pool, lounges, hot tub, group showers, a grotto steam room and sauna.

When I was there last I pretty much just watched and jerked off. I'm hoping to spend a few hours there and this time, I feel like I can be a little more adventurous, depending on who I meet. As long as they're cool and we're safe, I'm DTF (down to fuck).

Hump Day: Matthiew

Old News

I guess it is very well known by now that New York has passed the marriage equality act, making New York the largest state where gay and lesbian couples will be able to wed and giving the national gay-rights movement new momentum from the state where it was born.

As my regular readers may have noticed, I posted everyday for the past two weeks, and implored those New Yorkers to contact their Senate leaders to encourage them to pass the legislation.  Do I take credit for it's passage? No..not at all.

But I can tell you I did contact my Senator..5 times. Yes, I called every morning, encouraging him to support the bill (for some reason I felt the need to disguise my voice every morning in case they caught on). Now, my Senator happens to be the Majority Leader, Dean Skelos. It was within his authority to bring the bill to the house floor for a vote.  Despite his opposition to the bill, he did, at the last possible minute, bring it to the floor for a vote.

I'm not sure that him bringing the bill to the floor for a vote entitles him to a "pass" when it comes to reelection. I mean, he did oppose the bill, and has opposed it in the past. From news accounts, he milked that power to have other laws that he supported signed into place this week...from renewing New York’s rent laws, capping property taxes for homeowners, and raising tuition at state universities, among other outstanding issues.

I have previously felt a sense of disgust against certain politicians for their staunch anti-abortion, anti-gay and pro-religious stands in government. In my mind, stay out of our bedrooms, allow women the right to choose, and keep the separation of Church and State in tact.

I know lots of supporters celebrated this weekend at Pride events all around the City. This weekend, I was at the beach with the family and witnessed some happy couples.  One lady as she arrived at the beach "high-fived" her lesbian friend as they celebrated New York's victory.

What is now law in New York will one day be something that every state will wonder why it took so long to pass, and then, will become an afterthought.

But for some, the days of celebrations have just begone.

A Heavy Heart

Well, I guess I shouldn't be surprised. It's been going on for years. One of my best friends, family friends, one of the group has decided to get separated.

I went out with him about a month ago. They were trying, yet again, to get things on track, but I could tell, he had resigned to the fact that he wasn't sticking it out anymore. He has two children, one relatively young, the other, in high school. This guy has always been a family man, a great father, kids first. I told him how we all have issues, all have marital problems, but, it's kids first. Once you have kids, you can't be selfish and leave, because you have obligations to them.  His response was, "At some point, you have to be happy, you have to do something for yourself to be happy."

I can see his point. I look at his wife. She's not great looking, she's clearly out of shape and getting more so as the days pass. She's kinda nutty at times. But, his kids are great.  I knew that night that he wasn't long for this.  He didn't take my advice to just stay for the kids.

I heard what happened when they told their kids. They were crushed. Kids were crying, just sad and that hit me hard.

Even though I new it was coming, when I found out they were finally separating, I felt not only bad, but sad too - it's like when someone you know dies - and it is the death of a marriage - and I've been thinking about it so much, that I've even had a dream about it, how he was moving out and everyone was so sad. Often, when I'm full of emotions, I have dreams that reflect that.  It makes me wake up and live that next day with a heavy heart.

I spoke to him briefly today. I kinda dreaded the call, but, this guy has helped me through business issues, we've spent holidays together, I felt it would be odd for me to allow this day pass without a call from me.  I told him I'm here for him, that I'm still his friend, and if he needs me for anything, any help or if he just wanted to talk, that I was there for him.  He appreciated the call, and I could hear in his voice that he was still dealing with the pain of this and the troubles it's causing his kids.  "My kids are #1 with me" he says.

Maybe he says that...but, absent abuse, drugs or lunacy - if you're getting separated, then maybe the kids are coming second.

Pitchers & Catchers

Well, it's been a long time, seems it anyway. Probably been a few weeks since I've been with someone and it suuux.

I'm damn horny! So, as usual, I've been checking out the prospects..and they're far and few but I do have a couple guys I've been chatting with.

1. Prospect #1 is a 6'2" 185# 32"w athletic lean toned body and says in his profile that he's "insatiable" and "uninhibited". Those are two words that usually scare me away, but this guy's pics are super hot. Problem is he lives about 40 minutes from me, and getting there is a hassle, so, we haven't hooked up yet.

He is always chatting me up tho...asking me if I want to spit on his hole and fuck him, tells me that he wants me to cum on his asshole (told him I only fuck with condoms) and then use my finger to push it in..lol..freak!


He also has a partner, a guy he lives with who supposedly, is OK with him messing around with other guys. "I just can't get enough" so his partner is OK with it. I donno..if a guy is that cum-hungry, I'm sure I'm just the daily special and I don't know that I want to be waiting in line when I get there...gross.

2. Prospect #2 is a good looking, very discreet white guy. He's 5'11 brown hair, brown eyes and weighs 175. Pics seem like he has a nice body, athletic and he's a bottom.We've chatted, this guy lives about 20 minutes from me, and has his own place where we can hang. He's totally into safe sex, and seems to be clean, and not into drugs.  All pluses...

Now it's just a matter of seeing when I can get to one of these guys..and based on how horny I am, it will be soon!

Recouperating

I'm a bad patient.

When I'm stuck inside..unable to go to the gym, I feel like all I do is eat. Well, here I am 3 weeks from the "incident" which put me in this god-awful cast, I'm back at the gym - thank god!

Yea, there's no cardio..my foot still can't handle that stress, but, I'm lifting...moving.  My goal? next week the bike, following week the elliptical and then, the treadmill.

I may die doing it, but if I don't, I could die anyway.

Hump Day: Jessie

Coming Back

This guy's a cutie. He's probably 28 or so, slim, shorter than me Puerto Rican and Dominican. He's a guy I used to go to almost weekly for a massage. Always gave me a great massage, very professional. Really..a little too professional for my liking though.

He really doesn't get into the "release" part of the massage. He's always clothed, and I think in all the times I had been there, I think he gave me a hand-job once, although believe me, I've tried. He has a live in boyfriend, and up until recently, I thought that was always the thing that stopped him.

But, we continued to talk online, and recently, sparked up a conversation. He seemed down in the dumps, told me how him and his boyfriend hadn't had sex in years. They're still dedicated to each other, but sex is basically out. Sounds familiar, I thought.

So, he confided in me that he had been seeing this other guy, and having sex with him. Damn! You mean, all those times I came to you, wanting you, and you find someone else? He laughed...but, I know his type, and I'm not it.  He unfortunately is a bear lover. I may like to cuddle, but I'm no bear.

We had chatted about how I hadn't been there in a long time, and he knew I had found someone else who was massaging me and who was also finishing me off pretty nicely after the massage.  I asked him and he agreed to jerk me off after our session.

Anyway, I went over, got undressed and laid on his table.  He massaged me well- back, ass, legs and asked me to turn over. He rubbed my feet, chest and then grabbed some lotion and started the "final touches". As he stood next to me, I slid my hand up the back of his his shorts, and felt his ass cheek..a fucking amazing ass if I do say so myself.

As I got closer to finishing, I pulled my hand out and put it up his shirt, feeling his smooth chest and pecs, and playing with his nipples a little then tracing down to his stomach, where I felt his happy trail..which made me very happy. He is really hot.

I blew my load, and he cleaned me up commenting on my load. Massage with a happy ending...nice!

Howard's Right!

Howard Stern today made mention of New York's struggle to pass a marriage equality bill.  The controversial measure that would make gay marriage legal, introduced by Governor Andrew Cuomo, a Democrat and strong advocate, is currently one vote shy of passage in the state Senate and subject to a vote after the Assembly passed the bill last week.

Howard stated today that any society that bans equal rights to all people, whether they are black, women, gay or otherwise - is not a civilized society.

Currently, undecided Republican senators Roy J. McDonald (518-455-2381), Greg Ball (518-455-3111), Stephen M. Saland (518-455-2411) and Kemp Hannon (518-455-2200) who voted “no” last year as well as Democratic Senator Ruben Diaz of the Bronx (518-455-2511) must be called collectively by us as a community to sway their indecision to in favor by the end of this week.  In addition, Republicans Sen. Dean G. Skelos (518-455-3171) the highest ranking Republican and leader of the Majority is opposed to the legislation.

This is our last chance as New Yorker's to make our voices heard before a vote is taken TODAY!

Please call your senator to voice your support for marriage equality. You can find out which senator represents your constituency by clicking here.

Beauty and the Beast

So which is it? A face or the body?

I was discussing with an online "prospect" recently. He had contacted me, and we were getting close to meeting up. One issue: I had not seen any of his pics. He saw mine, which is obviously, not a face pic. I can't have my face pic online. It should be understood why. It's not because I'm vile to look at, it's because I'm married.

But, I do have body pics..and many of them. Which part do you want to see? My chest? Legs? Stomach? Ass? Back? Cock? I have 'em all. I do have a very discreet face shot, which I rarely send out because well, it's not revealing enough to make a difference. But, basically, if you saw the face shot, you'd know I wasn't a beast.

"I don't care about the body" the guy says. "A face is more important to me."

That's a red flag to me. I think only an out of shape guy would say that. I mean, ultimately, it's the whole package that matters..the face, the body, the personality. I've met many men who were stunning looking, but had the personality of a head of lettuce, and it turned me off. I've met others still who were not so great looking, but had an amazing personality that made me want to spend time with them. The best package of course is the whole kit and caboodl: great face, amazing body and a fine personality. If you find that needle in a haystack, let me know.

Anyway, to me, if a guy has a "butta" face, if he takes care of himself, that's a big plus (if you don't know what a butta face is..it's someone you look at and say "hot body!" butta face!). If he's in shape, nice skin, nicely groomed..that says a lot. A body to me, can overcome a so-so face. After all, there are few models on this earth, most of us don't have that face that a photographer loves. But a body? We can all have a good body with some work.

If you see a guy who's less than average body-wise across the bar...is his amazing face going to outweigh that? At what point do you say his body literally outweighs his plus face? At 50 pounds overweight? 100? More?

I know they say beauty is in the eyes of the beholder...but, if the beholder is out of shape then my eyes are looking somewhere else. I could care less what his face is telling me.

Call Your Senator!

New Yorkers: This is our last chance this legislative year to make same-sex marriage a reality in New York as Governor Andrew Cuomo has called for a vote by week’s end. A victory in New York would make the Empire State the largest in the country allowing same-sex marriages. Last year’s defeat was by a narrow margin and due mostly to the unified Republican opposition as well as some shocking Democratic deflections.

Currently, undecided Republican senators Roy J. McDonald (518-455-2381), Greg Ball (518-455-3111), Stephen M. Saland (518-455-2411) and Kemp Hannon (518-455-2200) who voted “no” last year as well as Democratic Senator Ruben Diaz of the Bronx (518-455-2511) must be called collectively by us as a community to sway their indecision to in favor by the end of this week.

Please call your senator to voice your support for marriage equality. You can find out which senator represents your constituency by clicking here.

Bravery (V)

Zach Wahls, a 19-year-old University of Iowa student spoke about the strength of his family during a public forum on House Joint Resolution 6 in the Iowa House of Representatives. Wahls has two mothers, and came to oppose House Joint Resolution 6 which would end civil unions in Iowa.

Call Your Senator!

New Yorkers: This is our last chance this legislative year to make same-sex marriage a reality in New York as Governor Andrew Cuomo has called for a vote by week’s end. A victory in New York would make the Empire State the largest in the country allowing same-sex marriages. Last year’s defeat was by a narrow margin and due mostly to the unified Republican opposition as well as some shocking Democratic deflections.

Currently, undecided Republican senators Roy J. McDonald (518-455-2381), Greg Ball (518-455-3111), Stephen M. Saland (518-455-2411) and Kemp Hannon (518-455-2200) who voted “no” last year as well as Democratic Senator Ruben Diaz of the Bronx (518-455-2511) must be called collectively by us as a community to sway their indecision to in favor by the end of this week.

Please call your senator to voice your support for marriage equality. You can find out which senator represents your constituency by clicking here.

Call Your Senator!

New Yorkers: This is our last chance this legislative year to make same-sex marriage a reality in New York as Governor Andrew Cuomo has called for a vote by week’s end. A victory in New York would make the Empire State the largest in the country allowing same-sex marriages. Last year’s defeat was by a narrow margin and due mostly to the unified Republican opposition as well as some shocking Democratic deflections.

Currently, undecided Republican senators Roy J. McDonald (518-455-2381), Greg Ball (518-455-3111), Stephen M. Saland (518-455-2411) and Kemp Hannon (518-455-2200) who voted “no” last year as well as Democratic Senator Ruben Diaz of the Bronx (518-455-2511) must be called collectively by us as a community to sway their indecision to in favor by the end of this week.

Please call your senator to voice your support for marriage equality. You can find out which senator represents your constituency by clicking here.

Dollars and Sense

I took the advise of a fellow blogger. I was speaking to someone who has a pretty popular, but more explicit blog. He posts pictures, videos, etc and has a pretty good following. He mentioned that he generates some pretty good cash from his blog, all from these links to porn sites.

I took his advice and put these links on my blog, expecting some great return. He said he made $300 a month on a slow month. I certainly can use a few extra hundies...so..what the hell. After about 3 weeks of these ads on my blog..I'm happy to report that my readers have contributed a whopping total of......$0.00 to my fund.  What's the deal?!

I'm not upset. I have yet to cash any check or receive any compensation for my blog, despite what some of you have presumed.  I never started the blog to generate any kind of income, but when this guy said $300 a month, I couldn't resist. My readers apparently aren't on here for the porn..or videos, or pictures of guys with big dicks fucking animals...and thank god!

I guess it proves that I have a higher class of readership. Those that are interested in the stories, the plot behind the nice pictures. They want to see about my life..feel some kind of kin-ship..some relief also that they are not alone in this crazy journey. They have similar feelings...similar heartaches, the same pit of fire in their stomach that I have...

or they're just cheap mother-fuckers. ;)

Call Your Senator!

New Yorkers: This is our last chance this legislative year to make same-sex marriage a reality in New York as Governor Andrew Cuomo has called for a vote by week’s end. A victory in New York would make the Empire State the largest in the country allowing same-sex marriages. Last year’s defeat was by a narrow margin and due mostly to the unified Republican opposition as well as some shocking Democratic deflections.

Currently, undecided Republican senators Roy J. McDonald (518-455-2381), Greg Ball (518-455-3111), Stephen M. Saland (518-455-2411) and Kemp Hannon (518-455-2200) who voted “no” last year as well as Democratic Senator Ruben Diaz of the Bronx (518-455-2511) must be called collectively by us as a community to sway their indecision to in favor by the end of this week.

Please call your senator to voice your support for marriage equality. You can find out which senator represents your constituency by clicking here.

Hump Day: Brent Corrigan

Have you seen Brent lately? He's all grown up! You're favorite porn dude used to be a baby-faced, little, innocent looking, bottom boy. Well, he's still all that, but I think he's lost that innocent look a little or maybe some of that teen-aged baby faced look.

He's still certainly hot as hell. But, he's no boy anymore!

The Nose Knows

We chatted online for a while, the whole time, I'm getting this deja vu feeling. His pics look familiar, that cute smile. His neighborhood too. He tells me to come over, and I accept. He gives me his address and I google it.

"We've done this before? I ask.
"Yea. A while ago" he says.
"Right, I thought you looked familiar."
"Yea, I remember you were cute and a great kisser" he responds.
"Aww..that's sweet" I say.

With that I head to his apartment. After some circling, I finally found a spot, remembering how hard it was last time to find parking. Then I make the familiar walk to his apartment and he meets me at the door. His bright, big smile I had become acquainted with. We head to his room and I chuckle at the wall of movies and books that I remembered from before and I mention it to him. Everything seemed the same.

We hug and kiss..I remember the voice, the mouth, the lips...we disrobe and I'm familiar with his body, his smoothness, his ass..we lay down on his bed and I'm familiar with the passion...the...smell. I keep looking around..is it the clothes on the floor? Doesn't look dirty. Is it me? Nothing is wafting off of me for sure. It's him. He's clean, smooth, not sweaty, but, there is an odor and it's an unpleasant odor I've been around before.

Yes, I remember everything about this guy...how nice he was, sweet, passionate, not for me, but I remember everything..even his smell.  It's some type of body odor.

He asks if I want to fuck him or if I want him to just blow me. He seems perfectly happy sucking on my cock, and he does so until  I blow in his mouth and he swallows every bit.  We clean up, get dressed and I kiss and hug him goodbye.

I've realized why I haven't been back in so long. 

It's All About Sex

Guys..we're animals.  Want to keep a guy happy? Feed him, clean for him and fuck him - not necessarily in that order.

We're all about sex. Chalk it up to the caveman in us. Guys simply were  meant to procreate. It's literally in our genes (or jeans). But, it's not exactly all about sex. I mean, a girl can't just lay there like a lox and expect a guy to get turned on, night after night.

When we dated, my wife and I would have that weekend opportunity to see each other, and inevitably the first thing we did was have sex. Hot, passionate sex. Sex that included different positions and oral sex..me getting sucked and for her..well, I won't go into it for the squeamish guys reading here.  Let's just say, it was a healthy sex life.

When we got married, things didn't change a whole lot..until...KIDS. Once the kids came along, time was limited I suppose. I guess we were also more tired. But what I noticed was that the sex was routine. Diddle this, play with that, stick it in, and roll over. Her just laying there. No oral, nothing new, nothing fun. Also, I found that I was the one to always initiate things, never her. Eventually, I stopped initiating. We went months sometimes between sex...then, I found other ways, and things to enjoy, that made me happy. I remember trying to not get off with guys on a Friday if I thought that I'd have to be with my wife that weekend.

Soon, I didn't have to worry anymore. I was having more fun outside the house than inside. Months..turned to years.

At some point my wife questioned me. Why don't we have sex anymore? I somehow got out of answering that question directly. How do you answer that? You're fat? You're boring in bed? I'm fucking a guy instead?  None would be appropriate answers. Instead of asking "why", how about doing something?  Make yourself appealing..initiate something. Placing your hand on my knee doesn't drive me wild anymore. Work at it, like you work on your nails, like you do when you find a fucking bargain at the mall, like you're as happy as when you're with your girlfriends.

I'm not naive enough to not realize that sex with a woman wasn't as attractive to me as sex with a man..and that was part of the reason why I didn't encourage my wife more to have sex. If I didn't have another option..or an option I enjoyed more..maybe I would have tried.

I know I'm not alone. Sex is a big issue with couples. I know a few guys who also haven't had sex with their spouses in years. What does that say? We're all gay? No, it says women use sex as a tool, and they also fail to realize the importance until it's gone. Once it's gone, it almost can never come back.

You want a happy marriage? Feed him, clean for him and fuck him like there's no one like him. Do stuff that makes him want to come back. Ask him what he wants sexually. Make it fun, make it sexual, make it dirty sometimes too. Fuck him like he's the best, like he pays for your food and every need, has given you great children, pleasure him because he's a terrific father, because he's the guy that works 9, 10 hours a day to give you and your family everything he possible can.

Because he is.

Married With Children

I'm lucky. My kids are incredible. Great kids. Happy, healthy, good looking, smart, athletic, social. The works - everything I wasn't.

There are people who have big issues when it comes to kids. Child rearing styles differ between couples. For the most part, my wife and I don't have any of those issues.

But there are times that I feel like I'm the bad one in the house. I'm the stern one, "go ask your father", or "wait till your father finds out".  I don't want to be the bad one. I don't want to be the one to lay down the rules. And I don't want to feel like I have to hold court while my wife makes my son's case for $120 sneakers, or for going out to a high school party when we know there's going to be drinking going on.

Couples need to present a united front. Instead of "wait till your father finds out" it should be "What he/she said." Make the tough choice. It's OK to say "no" to your kids. And you don't have to do what everybody else does just because. Do your own thing, what makes most sense, what the right thing is.

In the end, you're teaching your children a lesson to live by.

Monday: Sex is Best

Health Care Reform

As you know, I've got a pretty stringent workout routine, and way of living my life. I work out 6 days a week, try and eat properly. I eat lots of fruit, vegetables, fish, chicken. It's not often I eat ice cream, don't go crazy on candy, but I do have my allotted portions of cookies per day (it's a weakness).

I've kept myself trim for my whole life. There was a time when I didn't work out, and was trim. I could eat anything I wanted and couldn't gain a pound. ice cream thick shakes, bags of cookies, candy, beer, alcohol..shit..I didn't gain a pound. Then I hit my 30's and things weren't the same. I started working out, and was able to maintain my intake of all the fun stuff. When I hit 40, well, something had to go and other than an occasional piece of cake or chips here or there, I've stopped all the heavy calorie intake and most of my drinking. Not fun necessarily...and I guess you can say that there is a happy medium there..that I could gain a pound or two and enjoy some more of that stuff..but, I've decided I didn't want to.

My wife, on the other hand always used to be on a diet. She was always, constantly watching what she ate. I'd be eating all those cakes and cookies, dips and chips and she resisted. Over the past year or two, I've noticed a change. Now, I'm the one resisting, and I'm watching her enjoy..and frankly, enjoy a little..a lot too much. She also has slacked quite a bit on her gym routine. I mean, I pay for her gym membership, and if she goes once a month..that would be a lot.

She definitely has gained some weight. If you asked someone,  they wouldn't know. But I can tell. I notice the difference. I see the rolls, I notice the flab. She ain't no spring chicken..and all that eating has to go somewhere.

It annoys me that I resist everything I like and she eats it all, not caring what she puts into her body.  One night, a friend and I went to a restaurant with the wives. He's lost probably 30 pounds over the past year or so, working out and watching what he eats. He's one of the guys who's having problems in his marriage. As the women shoveled in the bread, butter and multiple courses of food, we were sitting there, watching what we ate.  At an opportune moment at the bar he told me something profound: "At the end of the day, you have to be a happy with what you see in the mirror. You have to take responsibility for your own health and well being. If you're going to eat like that, then one day, your going to have health issues. I don't plan on being a nurse to my wife if she's sick, diabetic, or unhealthy because of the way she lived her life.  That's on her."

He's got a point. I've gotten flack on here for my views of fat people. But, it's an American epidemic:  Here's the statistics:

• 58 Million Overweight; 40 Million Obese; 3 Million morbidly Obese
• Eight out of 10 over 25's Overweight
• 78% of American's not meeting basic activity level recommendations
• 25% completely Sedentary
• 76% increase in Type II diabetes in adults 30-40 yrs old since 1990

The annoyance I have I keep in. I've tried saying things to my wife about what she eats, try to set an example. But, as any of you guys know, there's no way to tell a girl that she's gained a few or should be working out...not without dying after saying it.



Tomorrow: The Issue Issue

Hump Day: I Got Your Back

That's All I Want

Money. It's called "the root of all evil." Boy is that the truth!

As a kid, my father always told me that money was everything. Told me constantly. Said it's just as easy to marry a rich girl as it is to marry a poor one. When I was little, I would scoff at him. But, in actuality, he was right for the most part.

If you have money, there are a lot less issues in a family. Vacations aren't a problem, food, mortgage payments, clothes...it wouldn't be a hot point. I went through a period, a long period, that money was an issue. Work was in the tanker. Money wasn't coming in. We weren't on vacation in almost 4 years. I wrote about how I felt and how things boiled over in a blog post: The Damn Jones'.  I got a lot of good comments on that post...supportive, saying I was doing the right thing.  Not only do I know I wasn't alone, but there were a lot of people way worse off than me...losing houses, unable to pay for food, etc.

Thank god things have changed. I started a new job, and things really are on the up swing. We took an amazing vacation recently, and finally got that flat screen TV my kids were pining for.  Good things come to those that wait.

But there are still going to be things that come up. Dinner's out, fancy clothes. I've been to the edge..I've seen the drop off the cliff. Thank god I didn't fall. But, we can't spend like there's no tomorrow anymore. I won't do it. Yea, we can go on vacation..we can buy some things. But, I won't and frankly, no person should ever spend like there's a money tree growing somewhere.  It happened once...it will happen again.  Those that survive are those that are better prepared. So, we don't go crazy with spending, buying things, unless it's in the budget.

For the most part, my wife is pretty good about buying things. She doesn't go crazy. I know that there are others out there that every argument is about money. This is probably the number one argument in a relationship.

Tomorrow:  Healthy Perspective

99 Problems

Every relationship has them. It's the ups and downs.

Sometimes the ups don't outweigh the downs. I've previously blogged about how most of my friends are going through a rough patch. Maybe its the 20 year itch, maybe its the 40 year old midlife crisis. I've had people talk to me..I can count almost 10 couples, who are either divorced, getting divorced, considering divorce or just plain unhappy. I doubt any of them have the big red flag herring issue that I have - that issue that has never come up between my wife and I. Yet, they are all in the same spot as me.

So, I know it's not just me. My relationship has problems, but, the family unit is pretty good. Usually, I feel like, for the most part, I'm in a better situation than most. Everyday issues are at a minimum. But there are some that crop up, and from time to time, there are some extended problems. This past few weeks, has been one of those weeks.

So, I decided to try and hash things out here...and list the typical "hot points" in my marriage. They probably are the same issues that cause problems in every marriage. For the next few days or so, I'll talk about each of them. But briefly, here they are:

1. Money
2. Health/fitness
3. Kids
4. Sex

Lots of the issues cross the line from one to another..money issue that involves the kids..etc.

So, what was the problem this time? I'll categorize it under Kids, but it really is minutia.  Sometimes the stupid things you say or do that gets under your skin and bothers one of you. This time, it was during a snow storm. I objected to us driving the kids around to their friends when an impending storm was coming. I didn't want for either of us to be out driving in that weather.

It also has to do with my wife's insistence on pleasing my kids..being their best friend, their agent, at times. Although we have similar child-rearing ideas, I'm usually the strong father figure. I believe in being strong, strict, however you want to label it.  For the most part, I don't care what "other kids" are doing, I want to do what I feel is right for my kids. School work is first.  If you don't complete that, and complete it successfully, doing well in school, then all that fun stuff ain't gonna happen. My kids have thrived in that atmosphere and they have more than I ever had growing up.

It got to the point where, the "Agent" was pushing my child's case, and I said something like:

"Well, what does he care if you go pick him up, get into a car accident and I have to pay for the repairs?"
To wit, I got: "is that all you care about is how much it's going to cost you?" (she clearly didn't understand that although I mentioned the cost of repairs, that it wasn't about the cost..it was about the danger).
"Get out of my face, I don't want to see you, talk to you." I said.

I got the silent treatment..maybe 3 or 4 days. To me? I was fine. Silence? That's almost a vacation to me sometimes.  Then, my wife asked if I was upset that we weren't talking. We rehashed the whole argument, without resolution. She mentioned that maybe we need therapy. I agreed.

You see, I'm no different after all. No different than any of the 10 couples who are having problems at home. I think my issues are resolvable..well, at least the one's I've listed.

Tomorrow: Money