Humpity Grumpity

Wanted to share a letter I received of gratitude from The Grumpy King. He wrote to me about my unsolicited blog post I wrote last week about his blog. He was pleased....

You're a Fucking Prick!

Okay, that's not entirely true. But I did find you pushy and all with your whole, "add me and I'll add you" noise -- which frankly, I still don't understand it when bloggers offer that. I haven't done the link exchange a lot. The blogs I've added, I've done so because I like them so I added them without asking for any kind of exchange because it just feels like the right thing to do. 

I don't want to pimp anything to my readers that I don't fully endorse. So yeah I think anyone's an asshole if they're not willing to do the same.

Well... I did anyway. 

After reading your post about TGK I think you're the coolest dude and a lot like the boys I hang with. This newfound affection for you has little to do with the promotion itself but more so because of the way in which you did it.

First, I thought it was well written and I loved the way you grabbed different quotes to illustrate your points. I also loved the way you talked about not necessarily agreeing with everything but understanding the reasons behind 'em.  I imagine this took some time and investigation on your part and I can't fully express how honored I am that you did it. I loved the way your point of view was complex and not simply all gushy or one sided.

So I'm guessing you're not one sided either. I hope it's obvious that we are a lot alike in that way. I am often reduced to being an asshole - which I'm cool with because those people lack the intelligence or interest in diving a bit deeper to discover there's more behind it all. So while I bob and weave to avoid the stones others may throw at me, I look down and discover my own fistful of stones. 

Dude I fucking dig you. I love surprises. I LOVE WHEN PEOPLE SURPRISE ME. (It happens so rarely.) You're smart and I love smart. You're clever and I love clever. I really, really dig that shit and I really, really dig you for it. 

I am grateful for the review of sorts and I'm going to link back to it next week. I'm also gonna try and do the same thing for your blog because I've got a lot of married guys following me and while I'm sure they've already discovered you -- I want to make sure everyone has. [I'll ask that if there a few key posts that sum up your point of view or would serve my readers, email their titles/links because with so much content to on your blog, I don't want to miss the right one.]

The coolest of all is discovering that along with your prick-ness, you're also an intelligent, funny nigga' with an INCREDIBLY SEXY BRAIN. Dude, I'm so, so grateful to you for allowing me to see that -- being an asshole myself, I would've prolly missed that. 

So like it or not, you my boy, my nigga' and I'm grateful for the experience. I'd apologize for my initial opinion of you but that wouldn't fit into my asshole-ness and I wouldn't want to disappoint you. You the shit bro. And I'm happy to have met you. 

YOUR KING IS PLEASED.

-TGK

My response:

You're so funny...
I thought at first reading of your email that I somehow insulted you...that obviously wasn't my intention..but also, it wouldn't be the first time I had insulted someone without intent.

At first meeting, i can seem to be unapproachable, stuck up, and rude.   That's often because I'm sarcastic, critical and may seem unsympathetic.  But it's also because of the "wall" that I have built around me to protect myself and my family from discovering my relationships with other men. Keeping someone distant comes easily to me since getting close to someone is almost impossible lest they find out about my sexual preferences.  Maybe that's why initially you thought I was a prick.

But, when someone gets to know me for who I am, I think I'm very sensitive, caring and definitely emotional. Seeing my kids excel easily brings a tear to my eye..as does my favorite team winning the big game (good luck with that with me being a met fan) or a good episode of undercover boss.

See, unfortunately, I'm never as I really am...I'm undercover, guarded, and protective....

But I do appreciate good writing, and emotion from others. I felt the pain and emotion in your writing that day..and I take it as my job (a poorly paid one at that) to let my readers know when I see something worthy..whether you were a friend or enemy (and I never considered you an enemy).  I didn't write that stuff about you or your blog for any benefit. I wrote it because I benefited from reading it and I thought others would too. I think its important to have empathy for others even though your experiences may be different..ultimately we all are having a similar struggle.

Thanks for the gushes..its kind of you and probably undeserved....

Who da King now? ;)
-BLM

Hump Day: Spikey

Nervous Energy

I've seen some of my friends get booted by Google. Some say it's a conspiracy to close all gay blogs. Some say it's just the Google "bots" that cause the closure..that those blogs that seem to be spam or violating some kind of Terms of Service agreement, or even infringing on copyright rules. I've seen it happen to Scottie from Str8Guy (twice) and FlipFlops Boy.  But those blogs, they were great but quite a bit more steamy than mine. I have decided long ago not to post pics of full frontal nudity on here. There are plenty of other bloggers that show way more than me. So, what..me worry?

I started reading Google Closes Gay Blogs and it made me even more nervous. It lists many gay blogs (1,037 as of this writing) that have been closed by blogger. They encourage all bloggers to back up their blogs early and often.

It got me to thinking...I mean, I do love blogging. I like getting things off my chest and having my readers there for support when I need it. You guys know my inner, most secretive thoughts. But, I survived prior to having this blog...and at times, between the nasty commenters and the upkeep of this blog all by myself..I've thought, if I'm removed..maybe I would be OK with it.

But, I wouldn't be. I've decided I couldn't go out that way. If I'm going to stop blogging, it will be on my own terms, not someone else's. So, I took the advice of the web site and backed up my blog, hopeful that I never have to use it, but prepared if I have to.

I'm also looking into starting a mirror blog on another web hosting format.  I haven't decided on Nibblebit, Wordpress, Tumblr...to tell you the truth, as hard as the maintenance of this blog is, creating a mirror blog would be an incredible task for me. I am not a computer, blogging expert. It took me a long time to create the format of this blog, even learn how to blog, believe it or not. Most of that knowledge was researched, used and tossed into the trash in my brain out-box.  To relearn it, or learn another format would be exhaustive.

I can only hope that my blog doesn't fall under the guise of the Google investigators and get closed. Just know..if I do get closed down...that it wouldn't be how I would want it to end.

Too Close for Comfort

Is it weird to see someone you know naked? I'm not talking your boyfriend...I'm talking about a work colleague. Someone you have no attraction to.  Not that he's hideous or anything, just...that it's always been, always will be a completely work type of relationship. For me..often, it is.

I remember once golfing with a partner, and after going to the showers. We had lockers right next to each other and we got undressed after our game.  As he took his shirt off, I noticed he was pretty hairy, not a monster, but defintiely not buzzed, shaved or trimmed at all. I was buzzed almost completely, and felt a bit odd about being bare chested in front of him. I mean, does he look at me and say "What the fuck?" in his mind? Does he wonder why I would trim my hairy chest?

He was one to wrap the towel around him and take off his underwear by pulling them off underneath.  Thank god, I didn't need to see what he had hidden.  I don't really do the towel hiding trick, and just pulled off my underwear, and wrapped myself up and headed to the showers.

Once I went to the sauna, and saw an older guy that looked familiar, but couldn't place the face. Anyway, I try not to look at some certain guys too much, all being naked, I don't want to give the wrong impression to some who I would rather keep at a distance. Sometimes, if you look at a guy, they think it's open season for them to approach you or follow you.

This guy was, like I said, older..maybe late 50's. I knew him...definitely..but was afraid of ...from where I knew him. Work? hmm...he looks like someone that did some construction on my house once...but was that him?

Anyway, on the way out, this older guy is waiting for his car from the valet with me.  He comes up and says "you're a __________" naming my profession to the "T". "Yea, I thought you looked familiar" I respond. "What's your name?" I ask. He gives me his name, and before I could give him mine, he tells me. Apparently he knew exactly who I was, and well he should, we've worked together a  few times.

You want to make sure you remember someone's name? See them naked. This guy's image is burned into my memory...and I'll never forget his name again!

Bad Ass (V)

As an update on my attempt to shed some unwanted (and to some unwarranted) poundage...I'm down to 196 after stepping up my workout routine and cardio. Still working!

Funny video! It's from I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, a movie about two straight, single Brooklyn firefighters pretend to be a gay couple in order to receive domestic partner benefits.

Why You So Grumpy?

A week or so ago, I came across a blog. I have no idea how I found it. I remember reading it, initially, the days post that was in front of me. Eventually, I scrolled back in history and did what so many people have said they did with my blog: I started from the beginning.

I found his posts a cross between Straight Guy Taking's funny, witty and a bit crude and mine..sometimes insightful, poignant and revealing.  He's totally into sports, often posting pics of hot athletes, scores and the like. He also give his opinion on Smooth v. Hairy, and Self-Sucking dreams.

But, he also touches on his coming out story in his own, uniquely witty and self deprecating way:

While coming out to my Mother, I asked her if she knew and when she swore she didn't, I pushed further.

“C’mon Mom!, you had to have noticed and wondered why I haven't had a girlfriend in 2 or 3 years?" 

“I just figured no one could stand you” she replied.

He allows us into his many sexual experiences, like when he was sucking a straight guys cock:

"No one and I mean NO ONE has ever sucked me off like that before.  Ever..."  he says in amazement.
" C'mon son!  Told you I'mma pro! I reply   
"...Now get the fuck up and peace out 'cuz the Yanks are only up by 2 and they need my full attention."


I'll allow you guys to judge, but yesterday's post was the most riveting thing I've read in a long time in a blog. While I don't agree totally with what he says I certainly understand why he says it. I didn't come from a blue collar, farmland town full of rednecks. But, it would be equally as hard for me to come out to those I love as well. I think the conflicts of coming out are equal, no matter where your from.


But his journey certainly is interesting..and fun to read. He also writes real well and it's entertaining. I emailed him when I found his blog and asked for a link exchange. I like to list blogs on my site that not only I think my readers will like, but that I look forward to reading. I also told him I don't usually do gratuitous advertisements of blog in a blog post...unless something requires my reader's attention.

It turns out this guy lives in my state, and we have a few things in common. He's masculine, a man's-man and into sports and he has a good sense of humor.  Seemed like a perfect match for me, no?


But, alas, he's an out gay guy and probably wouldn't be interested in a closeted bi, married man. He's also a top..and two screws aren't a match. I guess maybe I could look past those things...


Damn! He's a Yankee fan. No dice for me.
But, check him out..maybe he's your cup of tea.

The Grumpy King

Hump Day: Black is Beautiful

Discriminating Tastes

I was at the sauna. Sitting in the jacuzzi and this guy walks in, and sits in perpendicular to me. My eyes are closed and I'm just relaxing, enjoying the jets against my body.

Then, as has happened before, this guy brushes up against my feet..I guess as a test to see if I was open to more. I don't move, don't open my eyes.  Then, another brush and I press the bottom of my feet on his outstretched legs.

We lay like that and then, eventually I get up.  But, it's like feeding a hungry cat some milk..they always come back..and sometimes with a vengeance. I've apparently stoked the fires of a fire that I can't put out.  This guy follows me into the steam room, the sauna, the showers, back to the jacuzzi...

Not that he wasn't..uh, mildly attractive..and not that I wasn't crazy horny (I was), but I determined that he wasn't worth the effort - that he just wasn't my type after all.  He was smooth, uncut, shorter, lean, and from the looks of it,  maybe Peruvian...nothing earth shattering, but not unattractive.
Not that I wasn't interested, it's just that the place was packed, very busy..and I didn't need to blow my cover, or cramp my style should someone else come in that I was more interested in.  Am I now obligated to this guy  because we played footsie?

I head to the bathroom and this guy suddenly appears. I kind of give him a shake of the head meaning "no" and leave. I now go back to the jacuzzi with more of the same from this guy.  Enough, so, I head to my locker, ready to get out of there.  I head to the bathroom, and there he is, in a stall, door ajar, waiting..so, what the heck, I go in, close the door behind me and lock it. I drop my towel and start stroking. He grabs my cock kind of...oddly..uncomfortably...in a  "god, I finally have a cock in my hands" kind of nervous way and  I'm getting a bad feeling about this. I shoulda just gotten dressed and left as I started to do.

He then bends down to suck my cock and - I'm not going there, so I push his head away, not allowing him to suck me. He flops his arms down in disgust and looks annoyed. With that, I turn, open the door and walk out.

I don't need a pity fuck, and I'm not pity fucking anyone.

The Set Up

Well, that coffee break between Jones and me lasted a few weeks, but, we were back at it again recently.

I had a weird feeling as I rang his doorbell wondering if I'd be surprised again by him having arranged a three-some for us. I was even more surprised when this huge, bald guy answered the door. I didn't really know what to say, and he didn't really seem to be expecting me, so I just kinda said I must have the wrong house and left.

I got into my car and called Jones. Weird, yet again...number was disconnected.  Am I being set up? Taken for a ride?

I email him and get a response a minute later with his new cell number. I call and tell him I'm in front of his house, but someone odd answered his door.  He seemed as surprised as I was. Apparently, a new tenant answered the door when he was in the shower.  Anyway, that was pretty much the only surprise I had. I went into the house, and we headed to his bedroom. It was us alone..and we made out a lot.  It's fun kissing him..very sensual, soft.  Same with fucking..it's totally slow, sensual..just like I like it. We sucked each other for a while, then fucked for a pretty long time I kinda like just having my cock in a nice ass, like his, and in doggy position, letting him just rock, slowly..and just hold him. It was totally hot.

Eventually, he turned and asked if I was ready to cum..so I guess he had enough fucking..I told him yes, and he turned over and I blew my load on his chest.  He then took my cock in his mouth and jerked off while sucking me.  Seems like this guy can't cum unless he's got a cock in his mouth.  Who am I to argue?

After we clean up, we chatted some more.  He asked if he ever told me he had a boyfriend, and yes, he had, so it didn't come as a surprise. He's been dating him for years, and although he loves being with him he feels like he's too young to dedicate himself to someone completely just yet-  he still wants to have fun.

Well, that certainly works for me. I'm all for fun.

Stumbled Upon

Is it any reason why I love my readers?

***

Hello:
I wanted to let you know that I stumbled upon your blog a few days ago and have become a bit obsessed with it (in a good way).  I know you hear this a lot but I will say it one more time.  As I read through your blog (starting from the beginning) I could not believe how similar we are.  I mean from your background and childhood, family, struggles with this, guys you like, sex you like....I felt like I could have written it.  I am also in my mid forties - obsessed with working out, eating right etc.  Just on and on.  Well I know you hear this a lot.

I did want to say that your blog has helped me to feel more comfortable with who I am.  Like you - I have struggled with this most of my life and mainly felt ashamed and guilt about it.  Your blog has helped me to feel better about it.  I guess knowing I am not alone in this is a big thing.  My family and commitment I made to them is the most important thing in my life and not something I would ever give up.  Though I know from experience that these feelings and attractions will not go away.  I am not sure that I would really want them to.  I think this struggle is part of the "price" I need to pay for the life I have.  Sort of my cross to bear. 

Two things different about our experiences:
1. I have never really been in love with another guy.  Your relationship with Ross felt more like a love story than just sex.  I think I long for this but up to now my relationships with men have been mainly sex.  Physical connections.  Sometimes deep connections but not love.  I liked reading about your relationship with Ross.  Even though it did not work out long term - it still sounds like it was worth it. 

2. I am also not completely into anal - but bottoming can be great under the right circumstances with the right guy.  Don't rule it out.  Try it again some time.  I have had a few good experiences with it.  Yes - with young hot guys who want it (motivation enough sometimes).

Well, I am not totally sure why I am writing this.  I just felt like I needed to after reading your blog.  I guess to say that there are a lot of guys like us out in the world so keep up the blog dude!  I am interested in hearing about your struggle as I go through mine.  I justify my life because I think overall I am a good guy.  Good dad, good husband, good provider and good citizen of the world.  I don't think our attraction to men makes us bad.  I felt bad about it for a long time and it ended up making me bitter and more removed from my "real" life.  I think if we can accept this for what it is we will be better off.  I know easy to say and hard to do.

Thanks.

Coffee Break

It had been a while since I heard from or saw Jones. After our "three-way" episode...he kinda disappeared. I know he had work issues and was dealing with that.  But, my emails went unnoticed..and I figured, maybe my comments about not being as excited about our last experience bummed him out.

Anyway, it was not for lack of wanting or trying on my part. I certainly was horny enough at times to need someone, and again, I tried to contact him. No response. So? What's a man to do? Move on.

My wife and kids went our of town for the weekend. Work and other family issues kept me alone, at home.  I was incredibly horny, and was hoping my free time would be occupied hanging out and fucking someone new.  Best laid plans...

After work, I went on CL, and other assorted sites. I put myself out there, responded to some ads and looked feverishly around. 9pm, 10pm..then, just went on cam..watched some guys..and then let them watch me blow a huge load.  Fine. They seemed happy, and I was able to go to sleep..but, not really sexually satisfying as I had wanted.

Next day, more of the same..with no luck. Then, my free weekend was over, back to work. I get an email from Jones...basically asking how I was...long time..no see.  Yes, I responded..and hopefully we're going to see each other soon.

It's good to have someone to hang with once in a while..even if there lacks that special connection. He obviously isn't looking for anything serious, and well, since the sex is great..I'm happy to be his little top hookup every once in a while.

More to cum.

Hump Day: Bald is Beautiful

Two-a-Days

Is it summer yet?  It feels like it's going to be here soon!

So, I decided I need to really push myself. I've rededicated myself to working out, with the ultimate goal of losing 8-10 pounds. Impossible? Maybe...

I'm going to start going to the gym in the evenings or late afternoons, where I am able to. On days when the kids have after school activities, or other play dates, etc., I can hit the gym for an extra cardio push of 30-45 minutes.  This in addition to my regular daily workouts should help me attain my goal. I figure I can do two a days for maybe 3 days a week.

My wife says I'm crazy and she may be right. From looking at it, I don't need to lose weight, but even with eating rabbit food, eliminating most high fat foods, ice cream, cakes, juices..I can't seem to lose the weight that I want. What do I want? When I was in college I weighed 180. I've slowly climbed up..185, 187, 188, 190...193.  Recently, I've noticed I've "ballooned" to almost 197-198. It sickens me.  I know being 180 isn't realistic, but 188 is attainable.  The problem is maintaining it.

Even with my old routine, working out 6 times a week, and careful eating, I never lose weight. It's frustrating! I mentioned this to Ross and a few other friends, and they also have called me nuts.

I guess it's unanimous.  But, it's nothing I didn't know before.

Starting point 198.

One From Column A

Despite the frustrating lunch I had with Ross last week,  I still consider him a close friend, and we're there for each other when needed...

He tells me he's dated someone from his office a few times. Went out to dinner, drinks..and just got an email asking him to go to dinner tonight, he says. Troubling part, for him, is...it's a girl.

He finds it troubling because he says he kinda knows that he's into guys. I tell him there's nothing wrong with him dating, girls, guys, whatever, as long as he doesn't get serious. He doesn't know..he likes this girl..a lot. So, maybe he'd be OK just dating girls..maybe not. It's too early to tell. He said he was introduced to her friends husband and he was hot. So the whole time he was there, he was looking at this guy....

So, does that make him gay? I don't think there's an answer.  I told him who knows how a relationship will be defined. Maybe you'll meet a girl..who you're totally into and it will be enough. Into her enough for you to give up guys.  Maybe you'll meet a girl who is cool with the idea of having another guy in the bedroom, or allowing you to also explore..or whatever.

I think, as a 20 something year old, who is inexperienced.. it's too early for him to know what exactly he wants.

Beam Me Up Scotty!

Is it the death of Scotty? God I hope not literally. But, Straight Jock Talking  (don't try the link, the blog has been removed) the on again, off again blog from Scotty is now..off again.

He has a reputation of flaking on us...his blog community. Back last June, Scotty also disappeared only to return a few months later. Is this his master plan? Does he intend on taking a few months off?  A vacation from blogging? Has he been deleted by blogger - those good-natured, happy, intelligent people who oversee our expression of freedom of speech blogs (I have to try and stay on their good sides, right?)?

Maybe Scotty has it right...blog, create a stir, then cut them off...causing an uproar and a bigger stir. I got a few emails from readers of his who are inquiring whether I know what happened to him - like I have him locked in a dark, dank pit somewhere telling him to"put lotion on the skin, or he gets the hose again" ala Silence of the Lambs.

I enjoy reading Scotts blog, it's totally different from mine, I think. It gives me a laugh, short sweet, and it's like hanging with your "bros".  But maybe him taking a vaca isn't such a bad idea. It's kinda like being able to see your own funeral. What are they going to say about me? What's my legacy?

Maybe Scott needs some of his own "tough love":  Hey Scotty, what are you a fucking girl?  Can't take the heat? Stop stroking off little Scotty and get back out there, your horny readers demand it! Stop fucking your readers in the ass, get back online and blog, so we can finally bang you the way you want and need to be!

Last time Scott left us, I had offered him the opportunity to blog right here, at Bi Like Me, as a guest columnist...we can call it Straight Guy Talking Tuesdays, or Fuck Scotty Fridays..or whatever he wants.  That offer is still open.

Scotty, hope your doing well. I know blogging sometimes is a lot of work to maintain. Hope you come back soon. I too need the entertainment.

Now, back to the vaseline lotion and the hose...make it soft Scotty!

Same Old Grind

Did you hear? Did you get the email? See the announcement?

Yes, "Grindr, the largest all male location-based mobile network tool"is now, finally on Android phones! I never had an iphone..which was the initial phone to use with Grindr. The guy that massages me showed me the app one day when I was at his house.  He told me how great it was, how addicting it can get.

Then, when I switched from my Blackberry, to an Android phone, Grindr expanded and came out for Blackberry format.  I just missed the boat!  But this week, I finally got the email: it was now on Android phones and available for immediate download!

So, of course, I immediately downloaded it. Almost as soon as I started the app, and added my pic, I got a multitude of chat requests and a few from some very hot looking guys. And they all were within..."0" feet of me?! What the fuck?

Is the guy next to me on Grindr? In the next car? That guy too? And the guy behind him? Is everyone I pass on Grindr? Uh, no...apparently, there's a GPS issue with the app, and after trying to refresh then starting Google Maps, then rebooting my phone..Presto! Everything I've been waiting for is at my fingertips! I now, am located correctly..no longer in California...and right there on Grindr for all to see and explore.  This is gonna be great, no?

Well, as I look..some of the profiles look familiar. A few..many as it turns out I've seen before. Manhunt, Craigs-list, Adam, there all there.


This is just another way to Grind out the hours of the day. The only thing this app seems to do with ease is drain my battery.

Hump Day: Unchain My Heart

Steamy

I responded to an ad on CL. Usually nothing comes of it, but this time, the guy responds that he's staying at a hotel nearby and is planning on hitting the hotel sauna later that day.  Maybe I wanna join him?  Surree.

I get to the hotel and head down to the gym area. There's no one at the front desk, so I grab a couple towels and head inside. The gym was pretty nice, lots of equipment, but the locker room was pretty basic.  A wall of lockers, a few sinks, some old time showers and a small sauna.  It's also completely empty.


I get undressed and head to the showers to rinse off before heading into the sauna. I walk in and it's basically a room the size of a large closet...long and narrow..with one bench going across the back. It's pretty dark and almost immediately see someone sitting on the bench who says that he was just about to leave, and he can turn up the heat, which he had lowered. I told him not to bother, as I was just getting used to the heat. He got up and left..too bad..he was youngish and thin...cute too.

After about 10 minutes of sitting there in the dark, I look up and notice there's a light that hasn't been turned on, so I open the door, flick the switch and...just like that...light.  A few minutes later, someone walks in, takes a shower and then opens the door. This was clearly the guy I had emailed and planned on meeting. Thin-ish..and cute...

He sits, closes his eyes and we sweat. A minute later, an older guy comes in..maybe in his late 40's..good build, handsome. Sits down. So here we are..the three of us all within arms distance in this little closet of a sweat box, obviously all there for the same reason...and nobody moves. We just sit.

I'm burning up, so I get out, cool off in the shower for a sec, then re-enter the steam room. Then the older guy gets out, also showers.  While he's out, I notice the other guy clearly rubbing himself beneath his towel and I follow suit.  Soon we're both showing our hard-ons, jerking off in the sauna.  Shower stops, and we both cover up.  As the door opens, I'm obviously covering my hard cock and the guy says "You guys playing?" to which we both chuckle. Once he sits though, we're all three jerking off.  Of course...a few minutes later..old faithful blows his load (that would be me -  I was really horny!).  I'm now dripping in sweat, and have a huge creamy load of cum all over my chest.  No longer able to handle the heat, I jump up, and leave the two of them to their own dirty work as I shower, clean up, dress and head back to work.

Lunch hours just aren't long enough.

A 2 Hour Lunch

On this rare occasion I was headed into the City for a work appointment. I mentioned this to Ross the day before, and he said we should meet up for lunch.  Great idea.  So, after my morning appointment, I text Ross:

"Done. Wanna meet?

"Yea, for sure.  What time?" he responds
"1pm good for you? I can be near you by then"
"Perfect. Text me when you get outside Penn" he says.

So, I get on the subway, take it a few stops to Penn Station.  Text Ross that I'm here and walking towards his building. We plan to meet in front. It's exactly 1pm. Perfect timing.

1:00 PM
"I'm outside. Waiting on you." I text.
"OK. Be right there."

1:10 PM
"Everything OK?" I ask.
"Yea, two secs" he responds.

1:15 PM
"You coming? I ask
"Yes..I'm downstairs."

1:20 PM
"Downstairs? Are you actually taking the stairs?" I ask, knowing he's in some tall office building on the 28th floor.
"2 secs, 2 secs" he says.

1:30 PM
"Listen, I'm going to go get a table.  Meet you in the restaurant." I tell him.
"OK."

1:45 PM
"Sitting. Tell the hostess my name.  She knows I'm waiting for you."
"OK"

2:00 PM
"I'm ordering. I feel like a jerk..sitting here by myself. You want a Chicken Cesare Salad?"
"Yea. I'll be right there."

2:20 PM
"I'm done. Yours is sitting here. I have to go. Can you come down and pick it up? I'll have it wrapped for you to go."
"I'm coming. Don't leave. he says.

2:30 PM
Here comes Ross.  He apologizes. Call, meeting. Couldn't get out.
"Ross, you lie so much you wouldn't know the truth if you saw it." I say.
"You're angry?" he asks.
"Angry? No..not angry. But, I wish you would have told me that you couldn't do lunch rather than have me sit here alone."

Ross ate, we chat.

2:45 PM
I get the check, pay and we're outta there.

I shake his hand and say "This was fun. We should do this again" sarcastically.
"Sorry" he responds.

Now, I could take the delay. Things happen - but, I'm not his boyfriend anymore. We're friends, even if he thinks things are going to go somewhere..they're not. And this 2 seconds..coming..one minute..this thing he does..is typical..and is basically what has doomed us from the start.

Even as a friend, I think I deserve more courtesy than that..

Listing

I was watching some stupid program on TV: Millionaire Matchmaker. It's about some lady (who is very annoying) whose clientele are millionaire men and women who are looking for a relationship.  She interviews the millionaires, then finds and interviews the potential matches.  She then sets up a party, where the millionaire meets their potential matches and picks one for a one-on-one date.

It's a mindless show. The one thing I did find interesting is that the matchmaker said she encourages her clients to make a list of five qualities they must have in order to consider someone else compatible.  Got me to thinking..and of course, listing:

1) White, Asian, Latin guys
2) Smooth or neatly trimmed
3) Cut..yes, I do not like uncut cocks (sorry to all my turtle-necked readers! I still love you!)
4) Drug, disease and freak free. I don't do well with druggies..not looking to share your STD's and I'm more vanilla than freaky.
5) In shape..lean is preferred...if someone says they're skinny. I say..bring it on!

Now I have my list..all I need is a $999,999.00 more in my bank account!