Summer's also the time when I can feel free and take off my shirt..playing or working outside, at the beach..and appreciating the hot bodies around me. Winter time, we're all wrapped up tight..covered from head to toe. Even now, early December, its starting to get pretty nasty out. It's been a pretty rainy couple of days and with the cold wind and nasty weather its pretty raw out. Makes me want to crawl into bed..cover up, and never come out.
I've already told you I've decided to delete all emails or comments I get that are unusually or unnecessarily nasty. If you're going to comment, I have no problem taking criticisms, but nastiness won't be tolerated. This isn't a hate blog..
Hmm..what else..pretty horny today..I'm doing my best to stay on the so-called "wagon", but its tough. There is a guilt that comes with the life us bi, attached, guys lead. The guilt of letting down our families and even ourselves. We try..try as hard as we can to resist, but even Adam couldn't resist the bite of the apple.
I get in these moods..where I'm not feeling "sexual". Not wanting to engage with anyone in a sexual way. I think, maybe this will last. Maybe I can make this permanent and return to my life, untortured. But, you know as well as I, that eventually, there's a need, almost a gnawing desire to be with guy, and then, I'm in full-fledged sex addiction.
How do I overcome that? How do you keep busy enough to avoid the temptation? For the past 20 years or so of my life, I have been unable to find that answer, that remedy. Maybe shock therapy...hook me up, place the electrodes on my head..get the electric charge, better set it to "max", cause this craving is impossible to resist.
Maybe medication? A pill in the morning..like "One A Day" vitamins (maybe even Man-Shaped like, Flintstones). Or maybe twice a day..I think it would take a whole bottle. Is there any other medicine? An injection?
Maybe I should just jerk off...watch some nasty pictures online ..probably some of the blogs I've listed here..there are some hot pics on those blogs. I can watch..imagine, fantasize, then stroke one out. Finally, blow my load all over my chest..and relief. Until tomorrow.
I don't know..jerking off hasn't been a big part of my life for a long time now. Used to be that when I was a teenager, jeez, I'd jerk off two, three times a day. Usually, I remember I had some stupid men's underwear catalog..I remember looking at those..and jerking off. Or even a Playboy or Penthouse magazine. Funny how the one's I'd find would always have the spread of the hot woman, with a guy in it. It didn't happen often, but when it did, usually you'd see the guys body, maybe guy ass, and if you're lucky, some side guy cock. That was jerk off material in those days. Even back then I was into looking at guys..who knew that it would come to this.
In college, I still jerked off plenty, even though I was with lots of girls. One girl used to come over pretty often..she used to tell her friends, I found out later, that I had a perfect cock-- just the right size--just the right thickness. Makes sense now. Even though she used to jerk me off a lot, we never had sex. She must have just liked the feel of it in her hand (I wasn't into fucking her anyway).
But, since getting married...jerking off went by the wayside. In the beginning because we were newlyweds, and used to fuck like rabbits. In the latter years, when the kids came along, it became pretty impossible to find any decent private time to jerk off.
Now, I can pretty much hold off on having any sex or jerking off at all for a week or so, as I have the past week (has it been two!?). At some point though...I gotta get some release...it's just a matter of what type.