I Need A Fire Extinguisher

Yes, yes, it's that time of year again.  No, not Memorial Day..(oh yes, happy Memorial Day!) It's birthday time.

One year older..don't look it, but I certainly feel it at times. The aching back, the stiff shoulder when I bench press, the noisy knees when I bend..it's no fun getting old.

When I was young, my parents didn't have a whole lot of money.  They spent their money very wisely, and provided for their family way beyond what two working class people could.  But, when holidays or birthdays came around, I think I got disappointed enough times with my presents that now, I don't expect or want much. While some people get crazy happy that their birthday is here, I've accepted it matter-of-factly.

My kids, thank god, have their mother to balance that out.  They still expect and hope for the best presents and often, receive them, with some sense of morality/reality check that I can't help but add ("you know kids, when I was your age...").

The one thing I am hoping for is that Ross remembers my birthday, and at least gets me a nice card.  Honestly, a dinner with him sometime this week would be a fabulous present.  But, I know he's very busy and that him remembering may be asking a bit much.  Should I remind him?  Do I need to? Should this be some kind of test of our relationship? Stupid, I know.

Anyway, happy birthday to me.  Skip around the room, look like a monkey..et. al.

I Am No Different than You Are

Here's a nice little You Tube video I found.

Good Clean Fun

We were playing house basically.  Sleeping all night in the buff next to Ross was heavenly. We'd wake up in the morning, usually in some kind of spooning position, or him laying on my chest, or me with my arm around him.  We'd get up, and start to get ready for our day.

Two guys walking around the hotel room naked, we'd head to the bathroom to pee, and start shaving next to each other.  Seeing him next to me in the big mirror shaving, bushing his teeth..it was nice.  Then we'd head into the shower to wash the sleep and other dried body fluids from our bodies.  I love spending time with Ross, and love shaving and  showering with him even more.  The rule is, when we go away together, nobody showers alone.  Who says rules are to be broken?  The only time that rule was ever broken was the time last year when things weren't quite right.  Not this time.  This time..things were perfect.

Helping him wash his hair, soaping his body up and washing each other off as we talked about the fun night and our day ahead was definitely a wake up call.  It's a nice way to start your day for sure.

Then we'd head out, hit the Starbucks for our morning jolt and snack, and head off to work with each other as two straight working professionals.  Nobody to know that just a short while ago, we had started our ordinary day quite extraordinarily.

I miss our time together.

Hump Day: Nature's Bounty

Busy as a Bee

I have been crazy. Setting up a new business is time consuming and keeps me up at nights too. Also, it's baseball season, so I'm busy with my own games and also coaching and watching my kids games. But last week, I needed the time away with Ross to clear my mind, take things easy and just forget.

Now that I'm back..it's like I never left.  Don't you hate that?  A vacation is only as good as long as you can keep the feeling in you.  Sometimes, the minute you walk into work, and see the mess on your desk -  POOF! vacation seems like it never happened.

I've been so busy, I haven't been able to read the blogs that I usually read. I've been trying to wedge in time to write some for my own blog, and so far, I think I haven't missed a day (other than weekends) of blogging.  Pretty impressive I think, considering some blogs come and go with their postings.  I like the fact that I am consistent with my postings, and think my readers appreciate that.  But, I do miss reading the other blogs that I usually follow.  Hope I'm not missing someone writing about me or my blog, or worse yet, saying something nasty!  I hope you guys will keep me up to date on anything that pops up out there about me and my blog.

Ross and I hopefully will meet each other again soon to hang. Being away with him makes me want to see him more..but I know with our respective schedules, it's not possible.  But, we do plan on making that time available soon, and I will keep you posted!

Crimes of the Heart

It seems I can't help myself.  I love Ross, and that I know.  He's also told me many times that he loves me.  We spent lots time together over our time away, and had some great moments.  But there's a constant issue that comes up..more often it's something I don't tell him about..but this weekend, I couldn't help it.

Sometimes, it happens when we go out. together.  We walk into a restaurant, and the young waitress looks at me and then looks over Ross and asks if he is waiting for a table..we're on the plane, and the Steward gives Ross his $4.00 snack for free (it's my pleasure!)..we're out for some business drinks and the girls are flocking to talk to Ross, staring at him from afar.  I notice Ross texting these same "clients" and calling them. Once, we went to a mall, walk into an A&F store and some hot A&F salesgirl walks up to us, and asks Ross if he needs help (hey, I could use some help too, can't I?).."No thanks" he responds. "Well, if you're looking for a job, we could certainly use someone in the store" she gushes.  He chuckles and moves on.

Ross is stunning.  He's young, charismatic, tall, dark, and handsome.  Although when I tell him he could get anyone he wants, girl, or guy, he brushes it off.  But, honestly, he could be a model.  I don't mince words when telling him how hot he is..but it doesn't go to his head.

I do get jealous.  Very jealous.  He asks me what he should do about some girl..he doesn't know if he "likes" her that way..and I think part of the confusion is the same part that confuses me...that he likes guys too (me, in particular).  He tells me, he would never be with another guy while he was with me..and I know it's not fair to forbid him from dating women.  Jealousy is inevitable.  He wants to confide in me, tell me about this girl or that...but, I just can't take it.

I told him that I didn't think some girl was worthy of him that he could do much better...but, deep down inside, I wasn't sure if that advice was completely unbiased.

Eventually, I said, "Ross, I just can't deal with this..I don't want to know.  It's not good for me."

"That's not fair" he responded.  "You mean, I can't talk to you about these things?  And if it happens one day that I get married, you won't come?"

"I'd come, as long as I wore the tux and was able to stand next to you...but you couldn't wear white." I said jokingly.

"Well, not sure if I'd want you there to object when they ask, "does anyone object to this marriage?"" he joked back.

But, the point was made.  I am a jealous person.  I like the fact that people are drawn to Ross, and that I get to go home with him when we're away.  But, I'm insecure when I know that he could be dating women (or any man), kissing them, or more.  I suppose that feeling is only natural.  But, considering where I'm coming from, it's quite hypocritical.

Very Un-Christian Like

From the people at HRC:

 ******

This one is beyond the pale...

Just days ago, a Boston third-grader's admission to a Catholic school was rescinded – solely because his parents are lesbians.

But here's the worst part – this is no isolated incident. Just a few months ago, a Catholic elementary school in Colorado expelled two preschoolers (that's right, preschoolers) for the same reason.

And these are just some of the cases we know about.

Has the Church hierarchy apologized? No. Have they come out and said it was wrong to target the children of LGBT families? No. Have they said that they won't discriminate against LGBT families in the future? Not one bit.

Now, we understand that our constitution protects the right of religious institutions to make decisions that may be inconsistent with state nondiscrimination laws. But that doesn't make it right. The Golden Rule – do unto others as you would have them do unto you – should apply to us all. Will you help us take a stand against the Catholic Church hierarchy's deeply hurtful rejection and exclusion of those children's parents?

Please, send a letter to Cardinal Francis George, president of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, urging him to not make this a nationwide trend and to end these hurtful practices targeting LGBT parents and their kids.

For five years, HRC's Religion and Faith Program has worked with faith communities across the country to create a culture of acceptance for their LGBT members. By engaging religious leaders in difficult, yet faithful, conversations about LGBT equality, we've seen that transformation is possible, one congregation and one community at a time.

Your letter today can continue that transformation at a moment when LGBT families and their children urgently need our support.

Please, send your letter today.

Thank you for taking the time to fight this terrible injustice. 

Sincerely,

Harry Knox
Director, Religion and Faith Program

***

HRC is a great organization.  Sign up today to receive information on other issues.
HRC

Sexual Healing

...and here it is..what you've all been waiting for:  the sexual nitty gritty (well, some of it anyway).

Yes, of course there was sex between Ross and I when we were away! What are you crazy? I'm going to go away with this young hottie, that everyone wants, and NOT have sex? Paaaleeese!

The drama of the first night was a memory by the time the second night came. We had worked all day, had our talk about what happened, and it was basically in the past. The next evening we went to dinner, had a great meal, and even better conversations.  We talked about his work, my ever changing work, and our relationship.  Then we headed back to our hotel, and began our fun.

When we got back to the hotel, I could hardly keep my hands off him.  After all, the first night he was way to drunk for us to fool around - plus, I wasn't really thinking "sex" that night when all the drama unfolded.  At the hotel we got undressed and headed for a hot shower.  I soaped Ross up and washed his body sliding my hands all over him.  He likewise did the same to me and we kiss and hugged.  Then we got out, quickly dried off and slid into our bed.  Having him next to me finally, was a great feeling.  We cuddled, we kissed.  We talked some more.

After some more foreplay, I started blowing him, licking and sucking his balls, and rimming him.  Ross can last a long time without blowing his load (I can't) and after a long while, he pulled me up and went down on me.  Not long after, I was ready to cum so, I pulled Ross up and kissed him and messed with him until he was ready too. 

When we were both ready to cum, we held each other tight, kissed and blew our loads all over the place.  We then rolled over..laid like spoons.  It was the best night sleep I've had in months.

Hump Day: Shower & Shave

Prince Albert In a Can

When I was in middle school and high school, I had these repressed sexual feelings..well, even more repressed than I have now. I was smack in the middle of my teenage super-hormonal years and had no outlet other than fantasies and my hand.

My hand (and my cock) were both getting a workout.  I had my stash of magazines I would look at as I jerked off.  I didn't necessarily have any naked man magazines, so settled for underwear catalogs and the few Penthouse mags that luckily had some brief shots of naked men (usually just ass) posing with the ladies.

There were other instances of fantasies that I used as jerk off material.  I would see all these cute students in class and have fantasies about them sexually.  Luckily, some I saw in the locker room at gym too, which provided more food for thought.

These thoughts extended even further at some point and I have never admitted this to anyone, anywhere or anyplace.  I used to call up some of these guys, and place obscene phone calls to them.  Some I would call many times a day..jerking off as they listened to my increasingly heavy breaths over the phone.  This was before caller ID guys...they probably invented that service because of me!

After masturbating to these guys voices on the phone, I'd get to then see these same hotties in my classroom the next day, but never once did anyone suspect me as their secret admirer.

Ever get a phone call like that?  You never know..maybe we were classmates!  Never got one?  hmm.send me your number, maybe we can work something out :)

Another Brick in the Wall

We were on our business getaway, Ross and I, and we had gotten over the drunken mess that started the trip.  We were having a great meal together.  Our conversations seemed to get more detailed, more revealing and more intimate as we spent more time with each other during the week and on this night, the more we drank.  I told him how I don't feel comfortable, well, maybe comfortable isn't the word..but..I feel like there's some kind of distance between me and my family, my friends, actually -- everyone, except with Ross.  Without much more detail from me, Ross totally understood where I was coming from.  He felt it too. Then he came up with it: "the wall".

The Wall:  we referred to it a lot over the weekend when we were talking about different feelings and relationships we've had.  It's that feeling of unexplainable aloofness between me and anyone.  It's a restraint, a separateness that prevents someone from being close to me..as close as Ross is to me and I to him.  It's that hidden secret..the one that Ross and I share.

Ross and I can sit, and actually talk..talk about anything..from politics to sex.  From girls to guys.  Talk about people..look at people and discuss what we see.  Sometimes, it's completely innocuous talk, sometimes, it's complete silence.  We can look at a girl and talk about how sexy she is...or isn't.  Sometimes, our tastes differ.  Other times, we can look at a guy..maybe we both notice how he walks, or talks..and know he's gay.  Sometimes, we just notice his arms, or some other hot body part and convey a smile, wink, or a raise of the eyebrow as a sign that we're both thinking the same thing.  It's that silent comfortableness, the ying to my yang, the connection we have that as little as a look, nod or stare conveys and shares more than a whole day of conversations with another person can.  It's what's missing from our relationships with others.

With other people the Wall prevents me from loving too much, or being loved. It stops me from laughing so hard, or enjoying a great laugh.  The Wall is a burden, holds me back from the closeness of others, yet something that I can share with someone like Ross and actually brings us closer.  He sees the Wall and understands it.

We hate the Wall.  We want to change it..but, in our lives, the Wall is tall, the Wall is solid, a massive monolith.

The Wall may be forever.

A Museum for the Scholarly

You'd be surprised at some of the emails I get...anyway..for those of you who are highbrow, educated, knowledgeable, learned and literate, I wish to provide you with some information that I normally don't on my blog.  Yes, we are going to talk about an academic subject today..museums.


Museums collect and care for objects of scientific, artistic, or historical importance and make them available for public viewing through exhibits that may be permanent or temporary.

Some famous museums:
Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York City - The Met's goal is to collect, preserve, study, exhibit, and stimulate appreciation for and advance knowledge of works of art that collectively represent the broadest spectrum of human achievement at the highest level of quality, all in the service of the public.

The Smithsonian, Washington, DC - the world's largest museum complex and research organization composed of 16 museums and the National Zoo in the Washington, D.C., metropolitan area.


MoMA (Museum of Modern Art), New York City - Moma's purpose is to bring together the established and the experimental, the past and the present all all people. It's collection includes works of architecture and design, drawings, painting and sculpture, photography, prints and illustrated books, film, and media.



The Louvre, Paris   - From the Mona Lisa to The Raft of Medusa, from Venus de Milo to the Victory of Samothrace, the site is definitely worth your visit.

The Guggenheim, Bilbao, Spain houses some of the 20^th century’s greatest works of art, Guggenheim in Bilbao has become as artistically renowned as the paintings that hang from its walls.

And now..yes, for all you men of the mind...
  
The Penis Museum

"The Penis Museum was built to fill a need found all over the world. Many, many people want to look at penises in the privacy of their own home. With all of the websites available with penis pictures, none of them quite did the job right.

The Penis Museum not only brings the world an incredible collection of penis photos to browse, but it also has them all categorized. You can search for whatever type of penis you want and it will pop up right in front of you.

When we say that The Penis Museum is “The World’s Greatest Penis Site” we mean it. That’s what we’ve built, and we’re going to keep making it better all the time.

We hope you enjoy the wonderful experience of our site. Don’t forget to rate the penises you like (or don’t like)! You may even help pick the next winner of the Annual Penis Contest.

Happy Viewing!"

Now that's educational!

 

 

Oddities

I went on my trip to meet Ross, who had already been there for a few days. I arrived mid-afternoon, and since he was tied up at some business meetings, I decided to stay by the hotel, sit at the pool and make some business calls of my own.  I spent a good 2 hours doing so, got a great chicken Cesar wrap, then relaxed by the pool.

My gaydar must have been up, because I was looking around the pool, and notice some long, skinny guy, with these big Channel sunglasses and a tight, little red square cut bathing suit.  You know the type:  HEY! I'M GAY!

Then, some guy behind me was laying there..tanning.  He had one of these supremely manicured closely cropped line of hair from his sideburns around his chin (think they're called chin-straps - never did like those).  He also had these big designer sunglasses on, and a Louis Vitton bag to hold his accouterments.  Yes, he was screaming: I'M GAY!

After my time at the pool, I decided to head to the gym, for a quick workout. I began at the treadmill and ran for a good 20 minutes.  I noticed 3 guys working out together.  They all were nice looking, two white guys and a black guy.  They all were wearing these white Capezio shoes that I used to wear when I was in high school.  Odd I thought....this resort is full of gay guys! But, the oddities were just beginning.

After the workout, I headed to my room.  I waited for Ross to come back from his meeting, and we said a quick hello and showered before he was off again, for dinner and drinks with clients.  I decided to stay back at the hotel, and wait until he returned so we could begin our steamy night together.  We were both looking forward to finally being alone again.

At about 11pm,  I got a text that dinner was running long (at that point, boy was I happy I didn't go along).  But, they were headed for some quick drinks and I should come by and join them..I regretfully declined..and said I'd be anxiously waiting for him in bed..

At about 2am, I suddenly awoke..not really knowing where I was.  I looked around and realized that I was in a hotel, and that I was alone.  I looked at the clock and suddenly got a nervous feeling in my stomach.  Where was Ross? It's 2am, he's still not back from his quick drink? I thought it was odd.  I looked at my phone, which I mistakenly  turned off...as I turned it on, I was jolted by a bang at the room door.

When I opened it, I saw Ross there..leaning against the door frame..with a look on his face I had never seen before...and I was scared.  He rambled "Where were you? Where have you been?  I've been trying to contact you, I needed help..I  couldn't reach you."  He was clearly drunk, or otherwise intoxicated (although I know he doesn't do any drugs) and I was freaking out scared for him -  and myself.  I've blogged previously how I am uncomfortable around drunk, out of control people. A happy drunk is one thing..this was not happy.  But this was Ross..how could I not help him?

"I've been here. I fell asleep.  Phone was off..where were you?" I said.
"Been out..drinking, way too much.  I have no idea what I did, I don't know what happened." he said.
"Come in Ross" I said, as I dragged him into the room and closed the door.

At that point he explained to me how the group he was with was drinking unbelievable quantities of alcohol, which also was ridiculously expensive.  They were encouraging him to drink, do shots, and..as I heard..do other things that he plainly was not in his right mind to agree to.

He said, at some point, someone brought a strange girl over to him, and that he was making out with her.  Then, when everyone decided to go home, they dropped him in a cab and sent him back to his hotel.

Now, I was upset.  Yes, I was jealous, but more importantly, I was crazy angry that these "clients" allowed him to get so trashed, and that he then was their entertainment for the night.  I was also pissed that they didn't take any responsibility for his safe return to his hotel.  He could have been mugged, he could have been hurt, the cab driver could have taken him away and done even worse!

I kept those feelings to myself for the night.  My concern was Ross at the moment and calming him down. It took an hour or two until he relaxed and passed out.  But, he was obviously upset about how the night went, and that he was so out of control in front of clients.

The next day we spoke at length about what happened.  I told Ross that these people aren't his friends, despite how they act all friendly.  No friend would let him get home on his own in the condition he was in.  No friend would encourage you to get so shirt-faced that you embarrass yourself in front of important people. I was very angry at what he allowed to happen, and also that he could have been hurt.

As it turns out, the "clients" were all crazy drunk and laughed it off the next day.  But, that didn't make me happy.  Image is everything...and Ross doesn't need to be in a drunken stupor with clients, being out of control.  And this wasn't a great way to start our time together.

Hump Day: Tats

I Think I Can

When I was younger, I used to have very short hair, "Guido-ish" sticking up with lots of gel. As I grew older (and thinner) I passed on the Guido look and opted for a little longer hair, kinda tussled look..with a little flip in front.  But I see my kids, with that buzzed short hair and I think they look awesome.  Some of the pics of guys that I find attractive have super short, buzzed hair  Something buzzed, yet not to short to show skin..kinda like the pics I have posted here today. .  I would love to get that done, but so far, haven't had the balls to do so.

Part of the problem is my frontal lobe..no not my brain, but my hairline.  It's pretty OK with my hair the way it is..but, I am showing some signs of the mileage...it is getting thin.  How would I look with a buzz cut? I don't know.  There should be a way to find out before you get it done, just so your not stuck wearing a hat for 2 months while it grows back.

Another thing I always wanted to get was a tattoo. Something very cool..on my shoulder blade. Round and sun-like....I've notice a few I like on guys I see at the beach.  The pain doesn't worry me so much as does the religious implications and the affect getting a tattoo will have on my kids.  I mean, nowadays, even grandmas have tattoos, so it's not like it's frowned upon, but I always believed never encourage your kids to do anything to show abuse, or disregard to one's self..whether it be drugs, alcohol, excessive eating, or body or image things like tattoos, earnings, even strange or dyed hair.  Those are things that reflect on you..and your family.  I tell them if you walk around with red spiky hair, people are going to question not only your character, but the character of your parents...so the moral goes.

So, I guess I'm stuck without a tattoo.  But the hair? God, every time I go to the barber I ask.."you think I should get it buzzed?"  He says no..but I think he's just protecting his business.

***
UPDATE:

I did it! Well, not all the way, but definitely cut it waaay shorter than I've had it in years.  My barber was gentle..and been getting lots of compliments on the new doo!

So, if you're attempting to make a change..go for it!  As long as it's not permanent...I'm not heading to the tattoo parlor any time soon.

Redemption!

Yes, I'm returning to the scene of the crime.

It was one year ago..almost exactly.  And it was our usual trip.  When Ross and I  traveled for business, it was way more pleasure than the business part.  We had been away together many times before, and we had a blast at all of them, lots of great memories.  Who was to know this time was to be different?  But our suddenly shaky relationship was already stressed before we left, and then once we were away, we started having these little arguments, disagreements, I felt uncomfortable and ultimately, was one reservation away from leaving him on the West coast to head home alone.  But, after a blow-up and a few drinks, we settled things and I stuck it out.  There was no doubt, however, that our relationship was irreparably harmed.

It wasn't long after we got home that things quickly fell apart.  We were no longer in constant contact, no more IMs, phone calls..and then, an email, which in effect, said the obvious: we were no longer together, and it was clearly mutual.  The grass was going to be greener for me, for sure.

A week later, I was fine.  Months past, and I had many sexual encounters, all blogged on this site in all its steamy and lurid details.  Soon, though, I began to have the feeling that something was missing.  That something was Ross, and that something special that we had, the connections, the incredible feeling of completeness of being with him.  The grass not only suddenly turned brown, it had blight, mold and slime.  I longed to be together with him, despite the fact that sexually, I had been otherwise satisfied.

Ross has been asking me about going away again, back to the place where our relationship ended.  There had been so much going on in my life that I have repeatedly told him I couldn't. Then, last week, he asked again and after some schedule juggling, I've arrange to go with him.  It's exciting, I'm a bit nervous, but I know this time it will be different.

This time, Ross and I are in a good place.  Since we got back together, we've gotten along fine, and I've dealt with my issues of not being able to see him on an everyday basis.  I've accepted it, feel secure that we can see each other less often , when our schedules allow, and still have a very good relationship. Our feelings have changed for each other..I believe they've gotten stronger because of that security.

I'm also not going for the 8 days that I normally have gone with him.  All that time away puts a strain on my work and family life.  I'm a creature of habit, and being away, even on vacation, for that long a period of time, starts to get old.  This time, it's 4 days..we'll have 1 1/2 days of work..and the rest..total bliss.

For those that are going to ask, "how do you arrange to get away from your wife and family?" here's the explanation:

I mentioned a few weeks ago that Ross asked me to go West again, but I wasn't going.  She asked why, and I explained being away for so long was hard work-wise and family-wise.  The past weeks have been quite stressful for me arranging a new business venture, and I've been consumed with it. Recently, I mentioned that I could go for only 4 days, and I'd like to go in order to get away from the stress I've been under and also to give Ross a hand with his work.  She was the one to whip out the calendar and map out the days that made sense.  I guess it just shows you how truly unique my wife is. She really never would tell me I couldn't do something, couldn't buy something or go somewhere.

So obviously, I will keep you up to date as to what happens.  Regular posts, as usual while I'm gone..and hopefully some steamy one's when I return.

You Got Polled!

A few weeks ago, I posted a long poll that about 400 of my readers answered, which I think is a pretty good cross-section of people. I had to remove the poll prematurely because it was causing some big loading problems for my blog, but, this is what I found out about my readers:

• Not surprisingly, most of my readers were male, with 10% female readers (hellooo ladies!), with 70% of readers under age 40 (largest group under 20)
• 49% of readers were slim or athletic
• 24% straight; 35% bisexual and 27% gay (I'm still wondering  what the other 14% are, and maybe your wondering too)
• 42% single; 25% married; 16% partnered (gay); 11% partnered (straight)
• 61% of readers were HIV negative
• 42% always have safe sex (looking at the above, maybe you want to reconsider) 
• 65% workout either often or on occasion
• Readers were equally out of the closet as in the closet
• 60% of readers masturbate at least a few times a week (thank you for taking a break while reading this)
• largest (no pun intended) portion of readers had a cock of 6-7" long, and are happy with the size
• 57% trim their pubic hair (and I think I speak for all my readers, by saying thank you!)
• 47% prefer oral sex (equal amounts swallow as don't swallow)
• 26% top, 21% bottom and balance versatile
• 62% never use drugs (good for you) but most use alcohol 
• A majority of people have sex 1-4 times a month; surprisingly 31% never have sex! Think I have to get these two groups together somehow!
• Seems like 50% of people are into bondage/discipline; you freaks!
• Given the choice of a good looking partner with a bad attitude and OK personality; and an average looking partner with a great attitude and wonderful personality, 76 % chose an average partner. 16% said they wanted it all or nothing.  I'm sure this has to do with the high number of people that don't have sex at all.
• With regard to honesty, I was surprised that when readers found money, or hit a parked car, or owed money to a friend, an overwhelming majority would do the right thing.

Anyway, I think I've learned a lot about my readers, and appreciate your input.  Seems like we are very alike, so apparently, my blog attracts people like me.

Bad to the Bone

Jeffrey Conroy was 17 when he taunted and fatally stabbed an Ecuadorean immigrant in Patchogue in 2008, in a case that put a spotlight on racial tensions in eastern Long Island. Mr. Conroy was convicted on April 19, 2010, of manslaughter as a hate crime, gang assault and attempted assault on three other Hispanic men. He was acquitted of the most serious of the 20 charges against him, second-degree murder as a hate crime.


On the first-degree manslaughter charge alone, Mr. Conroy, now 19, faces a minimum of eight years and a maximum of 25 years in prison. Mr. Conroy was part of a group of seven teenagers involved in the incident, which prosecutors said began when one of them suggested, "Let's go beat up Mexican guy."

In an attempt to rehabilitate his tarnished image, he has conducted interviews recently. "That's not me, " he said in his first interview since his arrest. "I am not a racist. I am not a violent person. I am not a white supremacist." said Conroy. He contends that people "have made judgments about me."

Conroy spoke about his upbringing in a suburban neighborhood, his feelings about minorities and feelings of sympathy for Lucero's family, the man he has been convicted of killing. "I wish he wasn't dead" he says sadly.

Can a man truly make a mistake? Or do his actions speak louder than words? I suppose it is possible that Conroy, in a severe lapse of judgment, joined others who influenced him to jcommit this vile act and that he really had no intent to kill.

He contends he is not a hateful man. However, as one looks down to see a swastika tattoo permanently drawn on his thigh, it is hard to believe his words.

Hump Day: Laying Around

Do As I Say

In a recent blog post, I responded to a bisexual reader who wanted advice as to how he should live his life (Male Bag: Te Amo).  Should he get married to his long time girlfriend, and possibly live a lie if the urge to act on his desires rears its ugly head, or should he look for that man and get that experience now?

My response was that he should try to make the choice that would enable him to live a happy life.  That may require him to take a break from his girlfriend and act on his interests in men.

Looking back, I didn't necessarily make the right choices.  When I went to high school, or even college, being gay, much less bi, was not an accepted sexuality.  People were closeted, hid their true feelings and often, made decisions or lived lives that they weren't happy living.

In these modern times, being in love with a man has become a lot less hidden, and more accepted.  There are now states that permit gay marriage, and there other laws that protect homosexuals from discrimination.  There are also many role models for the LBGT community.

I mentioned that if I could hit a "reset" button on my life, I would. I would prefer not to be living a lie.  I would prefer to be open about my sexuality, thus, allowing me to be happy.  There will always be a wall that will come between me and my loved ones, that only I will be able to see.  If I had the chance to experiment with someone when I was younger, perhaps I wouldn't have grown up to be confused, and then gotten married only to deceive my wife, and live a life full of lies.

They say hindsight is 20/20.   It is.  You cannot hit "reset" on your life.  Some mistakes you can learn from.  Those are mistakes that allow you to change your response or actions for the next time.  They are usually mistakes that don't affect others.

However, hindsight also allows you to learn from a mistake but because of its effect on others, you cannot change your response or actions. This choice/mistake I have made is one of them.  It would have serious and disastrous effects on my kids, my family, my life.  The only good that can come of my mistake is that I can use it to help others.  And perhaps, Diego can learn from it.

I encourage anyone who is confused about their sexuality to experiment.  Decide for yourself what makes you happy, be it man, woman or both.  There is no requirement that it be decided by the time your 21, or 25, or 45.  But make sure your choice is an informed choice.  Make that choice based on your experience so that you can have a happy life.  The choice you make will be with you the rest of your life.

Annoy Me Morals

Some things about blogging that annoy me:

• Absenteeism: Seems like blogs appear and disappear daily.  Some people have blogged forever...then just completely stop.  What happened to those people? Makes me wonder when the blog monster is gonna get me. Moral? Out of Sight, Out of Mind. 

• Censorship: Recently, some very popular blogs have disappeared from the web, presumably due to violating google's policies.  Seems like google's policies are similar to Hitler's policies. Moral? If today I stand here as a revolutionary, it is as a revolutionary against the Revolution.

•  Fakes: Recently, a blogger has been outed as a total fake.  He wrote a blog about being a 17 year old hockey player, but in reality was a 40 something year old man. LOL..I find it funny...because I did email him once, about being listed on his blog roll.  He responded that my blog was too adult for his teenage readers. I find it odd that someone would lie in an anonymous forum.  Why lie?  Why couldn't he write a blog about a 40 something year old married guy with children who was guilt ridden about his sexual liaisons? Oh right..that niche has been filled.  Moral? Don't believe everything you read.

• Dates: I hate when I don't have a reference. Someone sends me a letter or card..without a date, and it throws me for a loop. On a blog, we need dates! Every post should have a date...so we know when it was written and can put things in context of the time line of your life. Moral? Like Sand Through An Hourglass. So are the days of our lives.

• Commenters: Love the people who read my blog, comment..use the chat box, ask questions ..but, there are some that are just plain mean.  I've been called all kinds of names..insults..insults against me for being bi, a cheating husband, a horrible father..even insults against my religion. Whatever gets you hard!  Moral? They say there's no such thing as bad publicity. As long as they spell the name right: BILIKEME 

•  Exclusivity: some bloggers think that if they post a picture, write about an idea, or post something on their blog, that it's some kind of proprietary rights to that image, idea or thought. Eh, eh..you put it out there.it's ours to do whatever we want to.  I can post your pics, ideas, thoughts, anything. On the other hand, I have never, to my knowledge, copied a fellow bloggers format, themes, ideas, or style of writing. That's kinda low..creepy and downright annoying.  Believe me, I should know.  Moral? Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.  

• Viruses and other annoyances: I hate when there's something slowing down my blog because of something I added (a widget, or another link).  I only try and improve things..try to make it look nice..and sometimes, I just go too far. Moral? The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry.

Just some stuff  I needed to get off my chest :)


On another note, I'm sure you've seen the massive amounts of blogs I've added to my blog rolls.  Most have asked to be added, and we've exchanged links (it's kind of a cross promotion type thing).


I've also added some good reading blogs and continue to look for others.  I've added a few, but, most seem to have stopped blogging (see rant #1 above).  Any good reads who want to exchange links..let me know.