Mail Bag: Fatherly Advice

Got this letter from a reader.  I thought maybe some of my other readers could give him some good advice (besides working on his spelling) ;)

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idk you but i must say i read alot of your blog and can understand.

You make everything work and idk how but i must say its intreasting.

im bi sexual myself only 18 freash out of highschool and very confused.

its kinda hard to have guidence becuase i have no idea were im headed

im also clinically depressed. if you ever get the chance to reply or

ever give me any edvice ill deeply appriciate it. thanks man.

Confused Chad

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Chad:

I can certainly understand your confusion.  I too was young (once) and confused.  Now I am older - and still confused!

When your young, you have opportunities:  you may not realize it now, but it is an advantage that you're young.  There's no rush to decide what you want to do for a living, where you eventually want to lay down roots and live, or even who you want to be attracted to and marry.  Those things take time. Some people decide late in life that they want to go back to school to pursue a certain career.  Others, somehow, know almost from early teens that they love a certain subject and what they want to be when they start work.

The same is true with sexuality.  It takes time.  Some people know when they are young that they are gay, or attracted to the opposite sex. Others, don't know until much, much later who they are sexually attracted to.  Still others, remain confused, or ambivalent about their sexual choice.

The advantage of being young, is that you seriously, have your whole life to make such important decisions.  At 18, maybe you're not sexually active yet.  But, in time, you will have opportunities to be with people you find attractive.  Don't put pressure on yourself to start experimenting until you are ready.  And the ultimate choice, of whether you are gay, bi, or straight does not have to be made today, tomorrow or next year.  There is no date that such a choice becomes required.  Myself, I didn't lose my virginity until I was nearly 21, believe me it wasn't for lack of trying though!  The key is, there are other things you can do with someone..it doesn't have to be "sex" and it doesn't have to be penetration (whether gay or straight).

I know it's easier to say than practice, but enjoy the confusion.  Most people are confused by sexuality at a young age, so you're not different than anyone else. Enjoy the road that you may travel, speaking to different people, dating, courting...and eventually, when the time is right, sex, with girls or boys. I think, eventually, the decision will be made for yourself.  At that time, then you will need the courage to make that decision known to others.

As far as your depression..I hope you are receiving treatment and have a good support group to help you. Take care of your health, get involved in school (yes, even doing well in your classes), go to the gym, or get involved in some activity that you enjoy (I think I'm sounding like the father figure). The sexuality stuff eventually will work itself out.

There is no deadline.