The following day after I met Ross last week, we ended up seeing each other yet again. I find it amazing that Ross and I can so easily fall into the same comfortable routine, for lack of a better word, even after all this time. Now, I don't mean "routine" as in doing the dishes....
I left work early and was able to spend a good chunk of time with Ross. Yea, I continued to interrogate him with questions about why he suddenly decided to rekindle our relationship...when he made that decision, and assorted stuff I was interested in knowing. He was pretty unclear about it..and I don't think I got my questions completely answered. Finally, I said, let's just let things be..whatever made you decide to get in touch, whatever shining light you saw..I'm thankful. Let's not talk about the past anymore, and he agreed. I walked up to him, again, we hugged. Then, kissed...
We soon were laying down, completely naked..totally making out, enjoying being with each other. I tried a few times to go down on him, and he kept pulling me up..saying "Just kiss me."
We kissed some more..and talked more..
I continued to try and suck him off, and continue what we were doing. But there was something that kept interrupting our session. He said again, "Just kiss me."
"I can't do this again..unless...unless I know.." he said.
"Know what?", I asked.
"Unless I know it's for real. Unless we're going to be together. I need to know this isn't a one time thing."
"Huh? Don't you think I want the same thing? I've been waiting for 10 months for you to get in touch, for us to finally see each other. You were the best thing I ever had, and nobody else since has ever held a candle to you. How can you question whether I would be interested in something serious?" I asked.
"OK, I'm glad" he said.
I continued..."but, I have to tell you something...you can't go from 100 miles and hour to 5 miles an hour to 100 miles an hour again. I think, it will take time to some extent. I think we have to decide, and define what our relationship will be. I have to know that you're going to be available for me..of course not on command..but, you know..you have to be willing to be interested in meeting...and maintaining this relationship. I am interested in being with you..but let's see how it works..."
At that point, it seemed like the cloud had been lifted. The doubt that he had was removed..and we were able to lay back, and totally enjoy each other. Soon, as he jerked himself off, and I kissed him, he blew his load in my hand...I then quickly came all over (and I mean ALL over!) He then made a move to get up and grab some paper towels to clean up the mess. I pulled him back - not caring about the mess.
"Just kiss me" I said.
We laid there..and I couldn't help but remember when I had wished this moment would happen again. How many days I was depressed that we were no longer together. That the one person who knows my inner secrets no longer was a meaningful part of my life.
I was happy..again, finally.