Bi Like Me Redux: The Damn Joneses!

Second to last rerun!  I will be back, with all new blog entries later this week!

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I remember when I was a kid, yea, I wanted things..I wore my older brother's hand-me-downs.  My mother shopped in thrift stores, and often, took me along, where I was embarrassed going in or coming out for fear that I would be seen. When I wanted a new bike, I got my brother's old bike, spray painted black with a new horn. I didn't get a TV in my room until I graduated college.  Everyone had more than we did..I always felt inferior to them.  My parents both worked, earned an honest, if not, lower-middle class income-- but I survived.

Now, my family's is quite different. My kids have all the brand names: Nike, And1, Adidas, Levis, North Face..shit..I didn't own my first Adidas sneakers until I was married! My wife, she didn't work much until recently..and now she just works a few hours a day at a job she can come home from and still talk about with a smile on her face.  How many of us can say that?.  Otherwise, she spends her day caring for our great kids, taking care of our home (which she does stupendously I might add), and spending time with her friends. A nice low stress life, I'd say.

Recently, my business has taken a hit...and we've had to make sacrifices.  It's been about 4 years since we've been on vacation as a family..and I mean, on a plane..somewhere nice and warm.  But previously, my kids have been to a few Caribbean spots, Florida and Disney a few times..not too shabby.  We've  recently planned a vacation for the family coming up in the next few months..and we're all very excited.

But, it really pissed me off when I hear my wife talking..yes, complaining to other people about how we don't go to restaurants weekly..how we don't have a cleaning woman anymore, how making ends meet hasn't been exactly easy sometimes.  My kids constantly complain how they want a flat screen TV..in their rooms no less (we don't even have one in the family room yet).  When any new gadget comes out, their "jonesing" for it..IPods, IPhones, laptops..it's fucking sickening!  They are the epitome of the throw away society..using paper plates, plastic cups, napkins...all to a gluttonous and unnecessary excess.

Not only does the waste annoy me and obviously doesn't bode well for our chances of a "going green" award..but frankly, it makes me think that my wife and kids are spoiled and makes me feel inadequate. Things that we once took for granted are no longer an easy decision. Gadgetry that others have, we have to do without...but, while I have accepted the change, my family regrets it, damn, they nearly obsess over it.

It makes me want to drive my family for a little "trip:"  See some sick kids in a hospital..see people who have lost their homes in a hurricane in Haiti, Louisiana, see the homeless in shelters who can't find a meal at home..much less a home to eat in.

We all saw The Blind Side recently.  It's a fabulous movie. Michael Oher, a homeless African-American youngster from a broken home, is taken in by the Touhys, a well-to-do white family who help him fulfill his potential. In one scene, Sandra Bullock's character shows Michael his modestly furnished bedroom and a bed where she has graciously allowed him to sleep.  Michael shows his emotion and Sandra asks what's wrong. "I never had this before, " he says. "What? a room for yourself?", says Sandra's character. "No, a bed", he responds.  It left a lump in my throat.  We all talked about it after..and my kids understood that not everyone has what we have.

My kids aren't spoiled..I know that.  Do they have more than I had at their age? Certainly..but, to punish them because I am able to provide better than my parents in order to teach them a lesson would be cruel. But, I want them to understand that there are people who amazingly don't have even what we have..We live in a very nice neighborhood, have a full refrigerator every week, eat well, have our health, everyone dresses very well and we have heat, air conditioning, light..everything we could possibly need.

We can all do with more.  I certainly wish I could provide more for my family.  Would I buy them that flat screen TV for their rooms? Definitely not.  That's not how I think a family stays a family, with everyone watching TV in different rooms of the house.



I just want to see some appreciation for the things we have..not hear the disappointment for what we don't.

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UPDATE:

Well, I did have that talk..not exactly the calm, low voice understanding chat I had planned.  After some new complaints I just blew a gasket on my son.  I yelled, as parents often do, and explained to him that we don't have it so bad..that things could be lots worse.  There are people who are less fortunate than us...He understood and then we were able to have a normal conversation on the subject..

The next day I had the same screaming match with my wife.  Again, I was set off by some comment about a flat screen TV that we needed according to her..

"Listen, how would you like it if every day YOU came home from work, I told you we needed something...that YOU working wasn't cutting it.  How we don't have enough..how we're underprivileged..Well, I imagine you wouldn't like it very much.  Think how I feel..I work every day.  I make a decent living.  We live in a beautiful neighborhood, have an amazing house with almost all new furniture.  We have two perfectly good cars..plenty of clothes and lots of food."

"We could have more..but, there are certainly people with less.  I am sick of hearing what we don't have and if you aren't happy with the living I am making there's one answer..go out and work yourself.  Work 5 days a week, and bring home some money to supplement what I have.  Give up staying at home with the kids, taking care of the house, seeing your friends, and spending time shopping.  I am more than happy to allow you to do so.  And I promise...I will never say to you that what you bring home in your paycheck isn't enough for me, isn't adequate because I know how hurtful that is.".
And that was the end of it.  Since then..I haven't heard a peep about what we don't have.  As a matter of fact, I've seen them start to say something and take it back, or look at each other realizing what they have said is wrong.

I think...I think I've actually gotten my point across.