In the beginning of the year, the gym parking lot is packed. The treadmills are all taken, the machines and weights are standing line only. By February? It begins to thin out. Everyone breaks the resolutions they made on December 31.
I had previously made a resolution to try and not do what I do (have these relationships with men without my wife's knowledge). But, that never, ever works for more than a few weeks. The guilt and disappointment you feel when you break a resolution, a promise that you intend to keep, is more than the feeling you have when you did it before. Now, not only are you letting down your wife, but also yourself.
The key to keeping a resolution is to make one that's a revelation.
I was driving into work this morning and thinking about different things. Of course, my mind wondered to Ross, and what he meant to me. Also thought about the other guys in my life recently...more specifically, , Jessie.. What was it about Ross that made things so perfect? What was it about Jessie that made things so wrong?
I kinda figured it out. With Ross, although it wasn't all about sex, I won't fool you -- we did have a lot of sex. But "sex" wasn't anal sex. Yea, I did top him a few times..it wasn't something he had done before and I didn't enjoy forcing him into doing something he wasn't comfortable with (OK, I didn't thoroughly enjoy forcing it--but I enjoyed it a little). The few times we engaged in anal sex was very hot..for me, anyway. I don't remember him ever saying he really enjoyed it. Most of the "sex" we had was jerking off, blowing each other, 69, etc..sometimes once a day, often more than once. It was always hot!
With Jessie, after a while, I just became repulsed by the thought of anal sex. It kinda..well, felt gross..and smelt! Yea, I got my rocks off...and there were some enjoyable hot times..but, what made me feel like not going back and the loss of connection was the anal sex thing.
What do I want for the new year? I want a straight, masculine guy..a masculine guy like myself. He can be a top, or bottom or versatile..as long as he is not obsessed with anal sex. I want someone to hold, and make out with..kiss..like the guy in the gym (yea I'm still thinking about him). I want someone with a great connection, someone I can confide in, someone who I can trust with the most important secret of my life. I want to be able to look forward to seeing him, seeing him naked..pleasure him and have him all over my body too. It doesn't have to be nasty. It doesn't have to be gross. It doesn't have to be pounding, rough, screaming sex. It needs to be me and him..together..and hot for each other.
My revelation..and resolution is to find that person. I hope I don't end up breaking my resolution like everyone else.
Happy new year to all my blog friends! I hope the new year brings us all, health, happiness, prosperity and every thing that we all want and wish for!
Please have a safe, fun new year.