A New Year's Revelation/Resolution

I never really got into resolutions for new years.  I know some people are big on them..quit smoking, drinking, dieting..there are many.  I don't discourage anyone from trying to improve their life through such promises, but it seems that everyone talks more about the resolutions they broke than the one's they've succeeded in keeping.

In the beginning of the year, the gym parking lot is packed.  The treadmills are all taken, the machines and weights are standing line only.  By February?  It begins to thin out.  Everyone breaks the resolutions they made on December 31.

I had previously made a resolution to try and not do what I do (have these relationships with men without my wife's knowledge). But, that never, ever works for more than a few weeks.  The guilt and disappointment you feel when you break a resolution, a promise that you intend to keep, is more than the feeling you have when you did it before.  Now, not only are you letting down your wife, but also yourself.

The key to keeping a resolution is to make one that's a revelation.

I was driving into work this morning and thinking about different things.  Of course, my mind wondered to Ross, and what he meant to me.  Also thought about the other guys in my life recently...more specifically, , Jessie..  What was it about Ross that made things so perfect?  What was it about Jessie that made things so wrong?

I kinda figured it out.  With Ross, although it wasn't all about sex, I won't fool you -- we did have a lot of sex.  But "sex" wasn't anal sex.  Yea, I did top him a few times..it wasn't something he had done before and I didn't enjoy forcing him into doing something he wasn't comfortable with (OK, I didn't thoroughly enjoy  forcing it--but I enjoyed it a little).  The few times we engaged in anal sex was very hot..for me, anyway.  I don't remember him ever saying he really enjoyed it. Most of the "sex" we had was jerking off, blowing each other, 69, etc..sometimes once a day, often more than once. It was always hot!

With Jessie, after a while, I just became repulsed by the thought of anal sex.  It kinda..well, felt gross..and smelt!  Yea, I got my rocks off...and there were some enjoyable hot times..but, what made me feel like not going back and the loss of connection was the anal sex thing.

What do I want for the new year?  I want a straight, masculine guy..a masculine guy like myself.  He can be a top, or bottom or versatile..as long as he is not obsessed with anal sex.  I want someone to hold, and make out with..kiss..like the guy in the gym (yea I'm still thinking about him).  I want someone with a great connection, someone I can confide in, someone who I can trust with the most important secret of my life.  I want to be able to look forward to seeing him, seeing him naked..pleasure him and have him all over my body too.  It doesn't have to be nasty.  It doesn't have to be gross.  It doesn't have to be pounding, rough, screaming sex.  It needs to be me and him..together..and hot for each other.

My revelation..and resolution is to find that person.  I hope I don't end up breaking my resolution like everyone else.

Happy new year to all my blog friends!  I hope the new year brings us all, health, happiness, prosperity and every thing that we all want and wish for!

Please have a safe, fun new year.

Pre-New Year's Hump Day

Mirror Image

I was reading someone else's blog, as I often do to start my day.  That's actually becoming a routine for me.  I get to work early, and anticipate what people have written about.  I log on, and look through the same blogs that are listed here, to the right.  I actually go through that whole list, one by one, reading any new content (and looking at some hot pics, I might add).  It's a good way to start my day off right.

Anyway, I was reading someone's blog about how they enjoy the library, and really about someone who died recently, Kim Peek, the real RainMan. (Daze Gone By)  Anyway, his reminiscing started me reminiscing..and I remembered an event at school probably about 15 years ago that occurred in my library.

It was probably finals time.  I had spent most of the past day and evening studying in the school library and I reluctantly returned to studying again.  I walked into the library on the 9th floor.  The library was surrounded by floor to ceiling windows on both sides.  Being the anal guy that I am, I took my regular table, regular seat, on the regular floor that I always tried to sit at.  I was sitting there, maybe 20 minutes or so, when my eye caught a reflection.  I looked up, and not seeing anything in particular, I began my studying again.  I noticed that I'd get that reflection, like a car headlight, or something, every few minutes..and couldn't figure it out.

I began to look around and noticed all the same people that usually sit in this library, with a few new faces.  Everyone seemed to be working, head down. Then, I noticed that flash once again and traced my eyes to a young man, sitting in a cubicle about 20 feet in front of me.  That flash had come from between his legs and quickly disappeared.
I kept a keen on on him. Then I saw it..this big mirror came out, probably about the size of a piece of paper (8.5" x 11").  He took it from his desk, under his book.  He slid it down to under the desk, between his legs, and moved it..side to side to angle it in just the right direction.  What was he looking at?  The girl in the cubicle opposite him, who was wearing a skirt.  He then slowly put the mirror away and a minute or two later, would do it again.  I was shocked and appalled!

I got up, and walked over to this girl, who I did not know.  I asked her to come talk to me for a second.  "I have a question for you, do you mind if you come over there with me?" as I pointed to my desk area.  She stood up, and walked over to my desk.  I sat down and told her what I had seen.  She turned red as a beet, and was clearly upset.  I suggested we call security and have this guy taken out of our library, and we did.  When security got there, they approached the guy, found the mirror and escorted him out.  I don't know what ever happened to him, if she ever pressed any charges, but the girl thanked me and left.

It amazes me what gets some guys off. I mean, here he is in a public place, practically raping this poor girl.  Other guys are into odder things when you think about it.  I mean, the whole scat, piss, pain thing skeeves me out.  So does the whips and chains and pain routine.  And if you're into this kind of aberrant, abnormal behavior, keep it indoors, in a private place where no-one else can see it.

Jingle Balls

I've never been one to wear boxers with any regularity.  I always wear briefs, always have since I was a lil bi guy. They're comfortable to me.  NO extra fabric riding up, getting in the way of my pants.  My cock doesn't inadvertently pop-out of the pee hole (what is the exact name of that hole?)  I also like the feel of my boys having a home, someplace that they wont roam out of.   But, apparently, I've missed the boat on this boxer thing.

It seems like everyone wears boxers these days.  Ross wore them, and looked way cute in them too, if I say so myself.  But, I always asked him to try on my Calvins.  Once, I convinced him, and he slid off his boxers, and slid on the briefs.  The verdict?  Funny, I was so used to seeing him in his boxers, that wearing the briefs was a little disappointing.  It took getting used to I guess.

I think there are other reasons to wear briefs too. I always see guys with their boxers riding up on them.  Yea, I know sometimes it's a fashion statement, gangsta, or whatever, but, other times, I know I see that waistband because those things are just rising on the poor boy.  Also, guys actually play sports in boxers.  I find that crazy!  I mean, things are jiggling around down there..running up and down the court playing basketball..or on a treadmill..I just don't think that's healthy.
At some point, I would think your balls are going to start hanging way too low and that can't be good.  That also is some kind of fetish, low-hangers.  Another one I don't understand. Mine are tight, and I'm partial to them that way.  I suppose, from seeing some of the old men in the locker rooms, that at some point, gravity takes over on the balls as it does on the rest of your body.  You have you're whole life to have low droopy balls. Why accelerate the process?

Yea, I've seen some very hot guys in boxers..I mean...some guys, it just doesnt matter.  But for comfort and health reasons, I think briefs are the way to go.

A Present to Open

Holiday Wishes

Hope you are all are having a great holiday! 

Happy Festivus

With Hanukkah under way and Christmas and Kwanzaa looming, let's celebrate the winter holiday "for the rest of of us."  We're talking about Festivus, the nondenominational holiday made famous on the December 18, 1997 episode of "Seinfeld."  here are five things you need to know:

1. On "Seinfeld," Frank Costanza (Jerry Stiller) claims to have invented the holiday as an alternative to Christmas which he realized had become over-commercialized.

2. But in reality, the idea of Festivus was conceived in 1966 by writer Daniel O'Keefe to celebrate the anniversary of his first date with his future wife.  The idea of the holiday would later be picked up by his son Dan, a "Seinfeld" writer.

3. The festival begins with the display of the unadorned, aluminum Festivus pole.  "It requires no decoration," Frank explained to Kramer.  "I find tinsel distracting."

4. At the Festivus dinner, guests do the "Airing of Grievances," in which each person tells the others all the ways they have disappointed him or her during the past year.

5.  After the meal, the "Feats of Strength" are performed.  This involves wrestling the head of the family to the floor  The holiday ends only if that person is pinned.

reprinted from "take5" by Andy Edelstein

Happy holidays to all my readers, no matter how you choose to celebrate!

Hump Day

A Good Workout

It was my usual workout routine, except this time, I was sweating like a pig for some reason.  I suppose it was since it was an unusually warm December day and the gym had not put on the air conditioner. For whatever reason, I was a mess.

I went to the bathroom after my workout.  I step in and there's this very slim, young guy standing there at his locker, shirt off, obviously preparing for his shower.  He turned toward me and our eyes met..and lingered for just a second longer than what would be appropriate.  He must have been 18.  I would say (and hope) he was 19, except he looked waaaaay younger.  He was very, very cute, had an amazingly slim body..very smooth.  Just the type I like, and have been trying to avoid.  As I was to find out, he was about to get a lot smoother.


I peed and saw him strip, and head to the shower and he revealed his huge cock.  It wasn't only long..I mean, extremely long, but also very, very thick.  I can't speak for the prowess of any ethnicity...but it seems like the thinnest guys have the biggest cocks.  He also had a nice bush of public hair.  As I changed, out of my sweaty clothes, he smartly chose a shower where I could see what he was doing.  He then grabbed his shaving cream, and shaved every bit of hair off his pubic area, and glanced my way to make sure I was still staring (which I was).

I was now rock hard.  I headed to a bathroom stall to frankly, probably relieve my throbbing member, when I heard his slight footsteps behind me.  As I turned around to close the bathroom stall door, he pushed the door open and smiled at me, seeing my boner though my sweats.  He then dropped the towel, and I pulled down my sweats and we started stroking each other.

As I leaned my head into his shoulder, I turned and we kissed.  He had great, soft lips and kissed me just perfectly.  No sticking the tongue down to my bronchial tube.  No sloppy, face wiping kiss.  No...this guy drove me crazy.  This guy was fucking hot.  We hugged, continued to kiss, and I held him close, he held me closer..this was..weird, in a good way..a strange connection was made..without words..

Then, I heard a noise..I heard a flush, then another..damn!..then..the our door popped open and some guy in a blue shirt almost walked in.  It was the gym cleaning guy..and I quickly shut the door.  But we were both freaked a little..and I looked thought he door crack to see he was gone.  Then my little gym buddy slipped out and I slipped out a second behind him.

I was never able to get his name...I had never seen him before at my gym, and I don't think I will see him there again either.

It was a very hot encounter with an unfortunate ending.

Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are!

Some gay people insist that others have to come out as a stand against the straight majority and their political opponents.   They are sexual mavericks that think "outing" people, or encouraging others to state they're "queer, here, get over it" is the only stance for everyone.  They push their sexual outism beliefs upon everyone.  They are the people who email me saying I should come out, and declare to the world that I'm bi  (or they say gay, since I am obviously denying that).

Is that the only position possible?  I don't think so.  Should every gay, bi, transgendered person have to declare to the world their sexual preference?  Do I even want straight people to do so?  I could care less.  Are you nice?  Treat your children kindly?  Are you a responsible member of society?  That's what matters.  I could care less if you sleep with girls, guys, or both. For the most part, I probably don't even want to picture you naked...so keep that information to yourself!

I'm a big supporter of gay rights.  I've written in my blogs, encouraged people to call their political representatives to pass pro-gay and anti-hate legislation.  But, I don't feel that it's necessary (or possible) to wear my sexuality on my sleeve.

You want to come out?  I'm all for it.  You want to march on Washington? Fabulous!  You want to hold hands with another man in public?  I'm filled with fuckin jealousy!  But, please don't force feed me your political values.  It's as bad as the religious right forcing their political values on everyone else.

Let's play nice!

Free Wally

 You may be wondering "what ever happened to that "Blog Banner" survey I filled out on that BI LIKE ME blog I'm addicted to reading?  Ok, so maybe you haven't been up nights wondering about such trivial things...  But, I know you all deserve an explanation.  So, here it is...

One of my very dedicated readers, Wally, wrote to me last week.  He's an older (63yo) bi, married man.  He has been married 30 years, out to his wife for 20 years. (For more information on Wally, see Another Shrimp on the Barbie.) He is  from Australia, I believe.  He send me a pic to use as my blog banner.  A pic of a hot guy, in white speedos, which is now the banner you see above.

When he first sent it, I replied that I was looking for something different.  Something that captures the "mood" of the blog.  What mood is that?  Well, his response kicked my ass a little, and made a lot of sense:

****
I am not sure what you really are looking for my friend, to me I like to see banners that are sexy and sensual and want me to enter, after all we are who we are men who like to be with men..bi or gay.(end of story) I myself find your captions are a little to the negative, we need to be positive in who we are at the end of each  day. it is your blog and you have to be happy with what picture is at the head.. oh and we love head ..lol so make it a place we want to cum to and enjoy your company.

I do understand that you feel boxed in/Cornered etc within your life in regards to your feelings and the secret life you live.. it is hard for you but can you really change you! Back into something that your not, because I sometimes get from your writings that you do not always want to accept who you are and wished it all would go away so you can live the normal life. Like those other straight guys do.

Live life the best you can and be positive that's all I can say. Sorry if I have rambled on Mate not my intention. This is what I feel about you. You are a man who looks after himself and still looking great and is proud of  that,(sexy dude) your loving and you are a good friend to those around you even to us that you do not know..throw in I reckon kind hearted and committed to those you love who are part of your life and heaps more that we do not know of.. and of course plenty of things that have to stay private.

Keep writing on your blog no matter what the banner looks like because I am glad I found you even though there is a big age difference between us ,, I need  younger mates like you to keep me young and forget I am nearly 63..lol ..stay safe and happy this Christmas festive season for 2009

Cheers Wally
****

So, Wally, you will see I have chosen your pic for my banner, at least for the time being--I do like the pic.  It's funny how you sent that pic, because I think the pic probably resembles me (or maybe I wish it resembled me).  I appreciate you comments, both the one's you have religiously posted and the email above.  You are right, I should have a sexy banner..it will bring in more readers, I assume.  And why should I have this constant shadow of negativity above me all the time?  I deserve SOME happiness, don't I?

We can all certainly learn from the Wally-isms...he makes some excellent points.  Live life the best you can..remain positive.
 
I'm happy that in some small way I've helped others with this blog...Thanks Wally for your contributions and your kind words!

You What?

Jessie and I weren't keeping in touch like we used to before Thanksgiving--and I wasn't necessarily upset about that.  I wrote how something happened to me, I've since went from swearing off men (yea right) and even feeling disgusted by sex, to questioning my compatibility and relationship with Jess.  My sex drive, for the past few weeks was nil.  I even limited my cruising online..I was just too busy and not interested.

More recently, I started getting horny (well, how long did you think I could last!).  But, I've been a good little boy, and basically handled things myself a couple times.  But, I do find myself falling back into some bad habits online..just a bit.  I am trying to resist.

Anyway, Jess and I did make plans to have lunch together last week.  We finally did meet (no not at the motel) and had an hour or two to chat.  We talked about the usual things..we have a lot in common.  The family, wives, family issues, in laws, holidays, etc.  All was fine and good..but something was hanging over us..obviously.

"So, what's new with you?  Someone new?" he said

"Me? No..not at all...no one new..no one old."   To tell you the truth, I've been questioning this whole thing..it's not you, but I don't know.  I'm so busy at work, haven't been feeling the best off and on, but, I just don't have the sexual interest I had previously, however long that will last." I responded.

"Oh, OK." he said.
"What about you? someone new?" I asked, not expecting an interesting response....

"Well, nothing really, just posted an ad online, and I've been talking to a few guys." he said. My mouth must have hit the table, wide open.  He was talking to people?

"Actually, I met a few people..one guy in the city."
My mouth must have been on the table, wide open, at this point with drool coming out. He's meeting people now?

"There's this one gay guy in the city, we met, and you know..."
My mouth must have been on the table, wide open, with drool coming out, and flies buzzing around.
 
"I know?" I said. "No, I don't know..."

"Well, we hung out.  I thought we were cool, but he...."

The rest I didn't hear.  He told me a story about how..I don't know..the guy didn't react well, called him, harassed him or something..blah, blah, blah... I mean, we didn't have any agreement, Jess and I.  But, he had asked me previously if I was still seeing my ex..if I was looking around.  I told him, no..I'm not looking for anything else.  I'm pretty happy doing what we're doing, and that was true at that point (2 freakin weeks ago).  How do we get from that point...to him posting an ad and meeting and fucking this one (probably more) guy?

I smirked..smiled..and listened to him talk.  Honestly, I'm not upset. I had pretty much already decided things weren't going anywhere with Jess and me, but, I was hoping to explain that to him.  Didn't I deserve the same courtesy?

He made it sound like, yea, placed an ad, messed around, so...what are you doing tomorrow? lol

As it turns out, I was right about my feelings..and I'm glad I didn't get hurt.  Surprised? Yes, hurt? no. I do hope to have him as a friend, casual friend..lunch every once in a while, maybe.  Nothing more.
When I got back from my interesting lunch, I got an IM from Model Boy, yet again.  He said he was done "filming" would have more time for "us" soon.  I told him, as I told him before, but more explicitly:

"Listen, your great, a hot guy, you could have anyone. But, I'm just not feeling it."
"Really? Cause I really liked you." he said.
"I appreciate that.  But, right now, I don't think that it's for me. Good luck though."
Of course, I ended with a smiley.

Now, isn't that the correct way to cut ties?

Hump Day

For those that are new, every Wednesday, we celebrate Hump Day at BI LIKE ME.  Here are today's lovely humpables:

A New Beginning

As a special welcome to all my new blog readers, I figured I'd recap this blog, my life, and some of my favorite posts.  Kind of like the "Best of BI LIKE ME"  You can click on the links to read further about each of these highlights (or just read this blog from the beginning, lazy!)

I am a masculine, white guy living in a suburb of New York. I am a young married dad of two, living, working and playing in New York. I'm very active: workout, bike, play sports, etc. I like to try and do something every day. So, I work out 5 times a week, bike and play sports on weekends. I try and eat good food, can't remember the last time I had McDonald's, etc., and people tell me I look much younger than my actual age. You'll find out more about me, my life (although I will keep this very discreet to protect my anonymity) my family, and my love life both with women and men on my blog. Some of it may be pretty revealing, odd, funny, heart-wrenching, but I hope at all times entertaining. (Welcome)

My earliest experiences with men (or other actually another boy) occurred when I was 6 or so.  I can't actually remember a time when I wasn't interested in men in a sexual way.  Despite being very active sexually in college, most of that activity was with girls.  (About Me)  There was, however, a very hot experience that was my true first male to male experience as a post-pubescent man.  (My First RealTime)  While the experience freaked me out at the time, it only reinforced my increasing attraction to men.
Thereafter, I experimented, as most closeted men do at places where I could remain anonymous. (Sex Parties)  Then, one of my  many encounters brought me to Lance, a photographer, who I became intimately involved with.  (Picture Perfect or Not)   (Picture Perfect or Not Part II)  But, after Lance, I became worried about my practices and changed my unsafe ways. (Testing Testing)  I also began looking for someone who I would have a more lasting and permanent connection with.  That search resulted in a two year relationship with Ross, still to this day, my ideal person, and a relationship I would like to emulate with some minor changes. (A Real Love) ( A Real Love Part II)

Since my recent and unfortunate breakup with Ross, I had numerous encounters looking for someone to come close to what I had with Ross. (Back In the Game or Comparison Shopping)   (Argentina: Muy Caliente)  Some days I long for it, and other days, I'm revolted by the thought.  It's the dichotomy of being a bi man.

I have met some great, and not so great guys.  I've met people who were models (California Dreamin)  with promising beginnings (Model Behavior) who turned out to be incredibly weird and freaked me out. (Rock Paper Sizzors)  More recently, I've met someone who I thought was perfect..married, bi. (Sex Sells)  (Walk Like A Man) (Little Adjustments)  But, I think he will end up being more a friend than anything else.

I have issues, issues that apparently, from the responses on this blog, aren't unique to me.  (Far From Flawless)  (Therapy)  (Corporal Punishment) (Mirror Mirror)  And I go back and forth on my continued sexual interests in being with another man. (Therapy)

As a result of my devious ways, I have had some scares and troubling experiences. (Scare of A Lifetime) (Phone Home)    I know, ultimately, that these experiences are a result of my doing, and I guess it's the price I pay for being dishonest.

Putting myself out there, in blog land, results in lots of positives, and, as I have found out, lots of negatives.  (Spit Out the Window)   (Simple Math)   I've ultimately decided that while I am more than happy to post comments that are critical of me, and my lifestyle, I will not tolerate hate mail.  Those will be deleted.

As I've said many times before, my blog is only a small sampling of my very busy life   Please do not think that I am not 100% dedicated to the well-being of my kids and their happiness.   (Piece of the Pie)
My bi life is an unbelievable and sometimes torturous existence.  It is sometimes a constant companion..and sometimes a heavy burden.  At times, I try and control it, but as usual, I prove unsuccessful, yet again. (Intervention)

Ultimately, I have resolved myself to living a life that will continue to be a suffering, torturous one. (Invisible Man)   It's the decision Ive made to keep my family in tact and my children happy.

I guess I consider it the ultimate sacrifice, although there are those that differ.  I have traded my true and complete happiness for those of my kids.  One day, when my time has come, I can go to my grave knowing that they were protected by me, had a normal and happy childhood and a loving and dedicated family to surround them.

That would be my final wish.

Explosion

My blog world has exploded (well, just a little)!

After much work, checking out other people's blogs, commenting, listing my blog on other services, things here at BILIKEME at have taken off!  We went from a very nice 600-700 consistent visits a day to a whopping 1,600 visits the past few days!  I can imagine, the internet being what it is, this will only increase by the week.

The Good?  I love that there are people out there that are interested in my stupid, meager words.  It's also nice to know that I'm helping others.  I get lots of comments now saying "I was thinking that", "I feel the same way" or "You're words could have been written by me!"

The Bad? Well, it puts pressure on me to come up with new, better and interesting content on a daily basis.  I've always tried to blog at least once a day (during the week). I will continue to try to do that and make it interesting.  Again, any suggestions or questions that I can answer would be appreciated as new content.  I've always said that I consider this blog to not belong to me, but to all of us.  I encourage you to comment, contribute and help make it a better place for us all.

The Ugly? I've been asked to list blogs which I deem inappropriate, either because they encourage or promote what seems to me as under aged sex, or under aged models and videos or aberrant and unusual sexual behavior and practices.  I've decided long ago that I will not post actual and full naked pictures (cock shots, sex acts) on my blog.  Those that are in my Blog Rolls ("The Library" and "The Back Room") may in fact show full nudity, but I don't believe any encourage illegal or aberrant behavior or acts.  I have to have SOME scruples.

To those that have helped promote my blog, thank you!  I hope that I have helped you, my readers, in some small way.

Tomorrow..a quick update on me..the best of BILIKEME and some background.

A Special Place

I love smooth or nearly smooth guys.  No woolly mammoths for me!

A smooth guy who has a great body shows the definition of his muscles, maybe with the slightest hint of rib bones poking through..nice and lean..that's hot!

But, that doesn't mean I don't like hair.  Maybe I don't like an abundance of hair on a guys chest, that is true.  But, I admit, it creeps me out a little when I see a guys underarms are totally bare.  What would make a guy do that?  I see it often in the gym, and it makes me take a second look.  I don't mind trimming underarm hair, but, completely shaved?  That's crossing the line.

Also, incredibly manscaped eyebrows are extremely disturbing.  I look at someone, and can't help but stare as they are talking to me.  It's so distracting when a man has ultra thin, feminine eyebrows.

There's also a favorite of mine that is such a turn on. Public hair and that little "happy trail" leading to it.  It's a happy trail because it leads to a happy place!  Now, I don't like retro bush..and hairy balls aren't on my list of favorites..but a nicely trimmed, closely cropped pubic area? Hotness!

Gimme Some Head

Yea, not the head you think (although at this point, maybe I'll take all invites).   I'm still working on a new header pic.  Will include the last two as choices, but I don't mind my reader's input.  So here it goes..I reserve the right to not choose the one that wins, only if it doesn't format well on blogger (which I haven't tried yet).

If your an avid reader of this blog, or bi and closeted  or otherwise live a tortured life like me, maybe you can help me choose a new pic.  I'd like something that conveys the message of this blog...I added a few of my favorites, the last two are current or past blog header pics.  I do have a new favorite, but I will hold that to myself.

                            #1: "Cornered"

#2 "Shame After"

                         #3 "Boxed In"

#4 "Praying"

 

#5 "On the Edge"

#6 "Brokeback"

#7: "Threesome"

or #8: None...keep looking!

Quizzes by Quibblo.com

Vote on your favorite, and maybe it will be the header for this blog!