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How To Find A Masculine Halloween Costume For Your Effeminate Son

Asked and Answered: Raising Cain

Another commenter:


 ***

Hey man,
Just wanted to write you a quick note to say that I read your blog every day and look forward to it.  I'm married with two small kids and feel like our situations are somewhat similar.  It has given me great hope to know that there are other guys out there "like me."   I know you get a lot of emails that say the same thing, but thought I would say it again.

I've been thinking a lot about the Charlie Brown post.  Sometimes I can understand where the guy is coming from.  See, you don't talk a lot about your family life and as a result sometimes you come off as obsessed with your boys - always texting, sneaking away, etc.  It probably is on purpose that you don't write about them, but the implication is that people might think you don't care as much as you do.  Speaking for myself, I struggle daily with the desire to go find a buddy, workout, work, and be a Dad.  I know you do to - but maybe if someone doesn't understand that the struggle is ongoing everyday they see a post about it awhile ago and then think it is gone.  Almost like "now I've said it, so there, I can move on."   It isn't that every post has to be heavy, but sometimes the infatuation seems like the most important thing in your life.  I'm wondering if he is responding to that. 

Anyway, I'd love to hear more about how you do balance everything and what the struggle is like as well as maybe some of your early stories - did you know you would do this when you got married, etc.    I know that I'm not the person that those closest to me think I am and I'm not at all like I thought I would be when I "grew up."  I'm guessing you aren't either - and I'm grateful for your sharing that.

 ***

The commenter brings up some good points..and I will try and expand on them.

I'm constantly feeling the pull between my family and my desire to be with another man.  There is always a conflict within me.  I thought, believed I made those conflicts clear in previous posts.    Aren't they?  Does not every reader realize how conflicted and emotional this all makes me?  Apparently, it hasn't been made clear enough.

The emotional roller coaster is terrible.  A long time ago, after I first got married and had my experiments with other men I would be wrought with guilt.  I'd swear off not only being with another man, but also everything associated with the action..like looking on the internet, chatting in chat rooms, etc.  It doesn't work.  The pull and attraction is obviously too great.

As with anything extreme, as time goes on, the shock value decreases.  I no longer get the guilt feeling I did before, and I don't even kid myself that I'll stay away from perusing the sites online.  It's like watching a "slash  movie".  The first time, you cover your eyes in horror, the tenth time, you have less horror, and by the twentieth time, you anticipate seeing it in delight.  It's why there are many proponents of not allowing children watch violence on TV.  Continued exposure makes children immune to it...we are raising Cain.

But, despite the absence of the horrid guilt I used to feel, I know I am not being truthful to my wife, family and ultimately, myself.  Clearly, because I have to be discreet and hide my actions, I obviously arrange my trysts so they have little impact on my time with my family.  They are often during the day, when I am supposed to be at work, or right after work.  Despite what some may think, I'm not missing soccer practice, school plays or family vacations in order to tend to my sexual fantasies.  It requires careful planning and obviously some untruths.

I have intentionally left out some information regarding my family life and the relationship I have with my wife, for privacy reasons and because I am uncomfortable revealing or talking about those issues.  I have thought about talking about it, but so far, have resisted.  Maybe this will be revisited at some time -  I haven't decided as of yet.

I am clearly not the person people see me as. Those who know me would be shocked if they knew of my real life - my true feelings.  In college, I was quite the lady's man  My friends, family and co-workers see me as a stable, smart, honest, hardworking, loyal and loving father.  I am obviously not all of those, but I can assure you I am definitely most of those. 

For those of you who don't understand, or what to know more about my struggles...read back.  There are many posts and will continue to be many posts littered with references and referring to my conflicts.  I try not to repeat this over and over, ad nausea, not because it doesn't exist, but doing so would not be mentally healthy for me, nor exciting for you.

Despite all the above, don't assume that my sexual encounters are taken lightly.  They are not.  It is a cross I must bear, and if I wasn't worried about the affect on my kids lives, clearly there would be an easier way out of the constant internal struggle that I go through.  I don't go there or do something because of my loyalty to them, and in spite of my unhappiness, I plod on..every day.

Rock, Paper, Sissors

I'm totally confused.  I was done, put him behind me, but Model Boy suddenly appeared again out of the blue this morning.  At 7am, after the gym I get a text from him, the first text or any contact I've had with him in about 4 days.  That's not the type of relationship I'd like.

But this morning, I get: "Miss you, come over."  "Huh? you're kidding me" I write back.  "Kidding? Why? I've been crazy busy, I want to spend time with you, someone I care about,  I want you next to me in bed."  My head is spinning.  I'm loving it on one side, he's a model, hot, amazing body..who wouldn't want to be with him..but, it seems a bit strange.


"I cant.  I have appointments.. Things to do.  You cant appear out of the blue and demand things."
"You don't care" he said, "I thought you wanted something more.  If you can't be there for me when I want, when I need you, then you're not who you say you are."  WHAT?!

He continues: "...and I was falling for you...I was going to give myself to you.  You're full of shit though."  This is just crazy!

"Listen, I have an appointment, I can be over later."  "OK" he says.

I was so weirded out.  This is the guy I thought was supposed to be a "man virgin".  Someone who had not really experienced a relationship with another man.  Now he's in love with me?  After meeting twice?  Where was he? Why didn't he call me all those days, text me or anything!  OK--you can be busy, but a text saying.."thinking about you..sorry so busy" or some acknowledgment!

I handle my schedule, head over there.  He told me he was leaving the door open to his house..come in, come upstairs.  He'll be sleeping. (Sounds like a horror flick no?).

So, I go in..and as usual the house is a fucking pig sty.  Nobody downstairs except his dog.  I head upstairs, to the back of his house, where his room is.  I peak inside (there's no door to his bedroom--another strange thing) and he's sleeping bundled up on his bed (that has no sheets).  OK..still..he's in a A&F sweatshirt, and shorts..I kiss him, massage him awake.  We did hang out..blew each other..jerked off....almost, I mean almost was tempted to fuck him..but, I knocked on the door and decided against it (ring and run) ....there's just something wrong....what is it?  I cant figure it out!


ROCK: He's a whore.  Maybe he's just a prostitute.  Maybe he's looking for a sugar daddy.  Someone to pay him for his time.  He always asks me if I will "treat him nice" and it's not unclear he's talking gifts..food, etc.  Listen, I don't have to pay for sex..I could probably make some chump change myself if I wanted.

PAPER: OK, he's a model, as he says.  Incredibly busy, and everything he says is true. If he hasn't been with another guy before, then why is he so..well..seem so experienced?  Wants to fuck?  Loves me?  Wants to spend time with me, with someone who will make everything OK?  He's a little aggressive in bed, a little too much for my liking:  grabbing, scratching ... Too much too fast I think.

SISSORS:  Worse case scenario:  He's a crack/coke/drug head.  Believe it or not, I can't rule this out.  I have a keen eye and I'm a great judge of character normally.  Something, something doesn't seem right.  No heat in his house?  No hot water?  A fucking pig sty?  Is it a crack house? I look around..there's just shit all over.  His room is a mess...but, he says they're "doing renovations."  I don't see any paraphernalia..but... No sheets? Who sleeps like that?  Out all night with friends?  Suspicious all the time -  looking out the window all the time?


He's hot, but I'm done playing this game.  I don't need Rock, Paper or Sissors.  Stop the ride, I wanna get off!

Humpity Hump

Trying to get through the week...hope this helps!

it certainly would help me!

Check out the new rating system (stars below each post).  You can rate the post!

Also, you can place comments anywhere in the post - just highlight the line in the post and a comment "bubble" will pop up!

Check it out!

Some Support and A Fashion Fopa

Here's a letter from a supporter (good to get those too).

***

Hi there

To be honest with you , I cannot say that I enjoy reading your blog everyday. I do not see the joy in reading about someone else’s internal struggle. However, I do still keep coming back for more and more. Especially today - your response to Charlie Brown. You have really hit the nail on the head. His comments and viewpoints are out of line and very arrogant, especially coming from someone that does not always understand the struggle inside a married gay man.

I am in a very similar situation as you – just do not have any children. I love my wife, the sex is great, and our relationship is strong. But, something is missing. I miss being myself, the real me.  I had a “Ross” in my life as well. Married chap, two children, white picket fence in the suburbs. With him there were no pretences. When I looked at him, it was like looking into a mirror. It wasn’t always about the sex. It was more – he understood how I feel, what I feel. The days when I battled to accept that I am gay and married to a wonderful woman, I could pick up the phone and just say: “I am having one of those days”. He knew exactly what I meant. We could cry together – especially when the guilt got a bit out of hand. I had someone I could play with, someone I could trust. Unfortunately he and his family immigrated a couple of years ago. I haven’t found another “Ross”. This kind of relationship, especially when you want a best bud, not just a fuck buddy, is hard to find.

Until someone is not in our situation, where we feel pulled towards two worlds, people shouldn’t criticise. You rightly wrote, you are already bruised. And we, everyone in this situation, already are. Keep on writing, because each word you wrote feel like something I would have written.

Cheers

*** 

Well, as an update, I think it's safe to say that Keith and I are done.  Stick a fork in it...Is it possible to have a relationship drift before we even get swept up?  Well, I think in any event, by the end of last week, I had decided that it wasn't going to work.  By Saturday, I had texted Keith saying, "whether your busy or not interested, its obviously not working for you either.  Good luck in everything you do."  I think it was the nice thing to do. I don't intend to make enemies.

He texted back that he was "crazy busy (Saturday afternoon?) and I'll be in touch later"  Right..I won't hold my breath. I suppose being a model, I should have known he had little time for anyone else since his life and his job is "all about him" if you know what I mean. Anyway..be that as it may, its probably for the best., as there wasn't much of a future.

Charlie Brown

Here's one of a few responses I got this week about my relationship with Keith in general and more specifically my bi-sexuality and family life:

***

I too enjoy your blog but I have to say here bud... good grief you are a Married man with children and you are delusional in your thoughts that you have some sense of entitlement that you are somehow owed this. WTF? You are pissed that this 23 yr old kid has something going on in his life and he is unable to devote his complete attention to you when you are living this secret life and pretending to be a father to your children and a husband to your wife... Some day when you are not to busy screwing everyone over that you love... read what you write and question your true motives in life cause to me (and I am just saying) you are pretty selfish. Choose one okay as it is so unfair to be doing this to your wife and children... Do they deserve a husband and dad who is out 4 nights a week hunting for cock and companionship.

The one thing children want more is the attention of their Parent... now are you qualifying for that or just pretending.

***
Good Grief! Charlie Brown!

I know I'm a married man, its what this blog is about.  Maybe if I was gay, and out of the closet, this blog wouldn't get you coming back to read every day (and I hope it does).  It's my life - and I know the consequences of being married and dating men.  Read back, my friend, I get the guilts, I'm 6 feet from the edge sometimes.  I don't consider it a gold star that I feel that way sometimes.  But it's a fact.

I do not, as it may seem, go out dating men, fucking everyone I see 4 nights a week.  That's NOT what happens (although, I wish I could say that)!  In my blog, I wrote that most of these "relationships" have been presented here on a shortened time line.  The last two years, I had been involved with another man (Ross) and wasn't free to date until about May.  In any event, I do not hang on street corners in fishnets looking for guys.

Please do not take my response as confrontational or antagonistic.  I am completely aware of the ethical line that I have crossed with my vows to my wife.  I am not delusional, I do not feel "entitled".  I'm living in the skin that I was born in, trying to maintain a very happy life for my kids, for whom I try to live for every minute.  I am an involved father, more so than most fathers, and not less than any, believe me.  My kids are my life.

My motives with Keith, or any man that I am interested in, is simple:  stability and candor.  A stable relationship with another man, one that I can trust, with whom I can be myself.  Keith may not be that person. Yes, he is young and may not be able to meet my needs, stability-wise and maturity-wise.  But, finding someone willing to deal with a married man is hard to do.  That's why I typically have the "talk" with anyone I am truly considering.  I let them know my life, my situation, and my expectations.  My time is limited, I will make time for you..will you make it for me?  That's what I need.

My dear readers...you don't have to beat me up, I'm already bruised. Don't yell at me, my eardrums have already been broken and don't pass judgment, because I've already resigned my life as a man convicted.  But, before you point and criticize, look at the reflection, our lives may be different, but the mirror we look into is the same.

***

Hate Crime Bill Update!

Letter I received from the President of Human Rights Campaign.  I know its a form letter, but nonetheless the bill passed!

***

I have some amazing news: after a Senate vote today, the inclusive hate crimes bill has crossed its last hurdle in Congress! President Obama has vowed to sign it by the end of this month.


Today's victory marks a truly pivotal moment in our fight for LGBT equality. It happened because of the dedication of people like you and the families of Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, Jr., for whom the bill is named.

And with bills seeking to end workplace and military discrimination coming up for debate in Congress, today's victory could be just the first of many if we can keep up our momentum.

Check out our Love Conquers Hate site – celebrate this victory and send a note of thanks to the Shepard and Byrd families for their years of hard work!

But even as we celebrate this amazing news, we're already getting a sense of the fight we'll have to wage to keep our momentum going.

Courageous lawmakers are continuing to hear from right-wing groups falsely claiming their vote will end free speech, criminalize anti-gay thoughts, and open the door to jailing pastors for their sermons.

One recent right-wing article said passing this bill would "shred America's Judeo-Christian value system."

That's what we're up against.

It's clear that we can't afford to sit back and hope for the best.

But we've proved today that if we continue to fight with the passion and persistence that paved the way for today's hate crimes victory – we can fulfill the promise of this moment, despite our anti-equality opposition.

I hope you'll take one moment today to celebrate this turning point and send your message of support for the families whose dedication helped pass this law:

http://www.loveconquershate.org/

Thank you again for everything you've done to help make this possible.

Warmly,
Joe Solmonese
President

Second Thoughts?

I don't know.  This whole thing with Keith, I'm just real unsure at the moment.  I'm definitely not the type that requires 24 hour maintenance from another guy.  It's obviously, not possible with work and a family to take care of.  But, I do like to hear from someone on at least a daily basis, if not more. Like a morning catchup, one or two texts through the day, and definitely a good night.  Then, I think I'd be OK with a meeting every other day or so.  Its what ruined the relationship with Ross.  He wasn't available anymore and I wasn't going to stand for it.

Does Keith have what it takes? The results are still out, but its not looking good. Yesterday morning, I got a text from the night before, at like 3am.  He was just back from a night out drinking with friends, and was looking forward to his big day in the city for the new job.  3am? And an important day ahead? Ugh...

I texted him back and wished him good luck, and to be in touch, I'd love to hear how it went.  Then? Nothing...nada..zilch.

I mean is this the way to inspire me?  Is this the courtship I'm looking for?  Finally, yesterday afternoon I got a text that his day went great and he couldn't wait to tell me all about it.  Later in the day, I spoke to him and he filled me in.  But, he's off again for drinks with friends.

I'm concerned because of the lack of availability that Keith has for me already.  It could only get worse I think.  Plus, he's 23, but an immature 23.  Ross was only 19 when we met, but he was a mature 19, as odd as it may sound.  Keith is partying, drinking, and then working and then the cycle begins again.  Is that what I want?  I brought it up to him ..but he says that opposites attract.

In addition, I'm wondering if our "talk" on Monday night resulted in my obligation to be monogamous with him - as in me not allowed to see any other guys. While a monogamous relationship with another guy is what want, I don't think I want it at the price of his unavailability and his drinking ways. If this continues, I think I'd like to continue to see if there is someone more compatible for me out there.

Its hard though -  in more than one way.  He's totally cute...hot, has an amazing body, seems genuine and nice and I'd like to be the one he learns from sexually.  But, are his amazing looks tainting my true wants and desires?

Happy Hump Day!

Need one of these guys combo!

...and a very, very hot video:

Model Behavior

I'm typing furiously this morning trying to get you the update on last night..so here it goes...

What's with it with models anyway?  I had 5:30 reservations, and at 5:00, I finally text him, but he's on the phone with his agent:"big stuff going on".   Cancel reservations...waiting..6pm he finally calls me that all this stuff is suddenly happening, he's very excited about his career (yes, I'm happy, but also, not so happy that he's so late for our dinner and this seems to be a pattern, similar to our first meeting).  Anyway, he did finally meet me for dinner.  Plans got changed, and I ended up picking him up at his house and we went to some restaurant near him.

I was really looking forward to finally sitting down with him, although I was a little nervous.  I was a little put off by the change of plans, but even more put off by the fact that he was so excited about career happenings that I felt kind of like a second class citizen (that make sense?).  I'm not the type to hide those feelings either, so I came out and told him, kinda as soon as he got in my car... "You know, I've been looking forward to this date for two days, excited about seeing you.  I feel like you're more excited right now about your career than about me..and that's not where I want your head right now."  Ballsy, right?  He says, yes, he's delirious right now about the phone call he got (we'll get into that) but he also is really excited about our date.  Don't worry, we don't have to talk about that at all..it can be all us.  OK, I'm better :)

When I picked him up, I was pleasantly surprised to see him in a dress shirt and dress slacks and shoes.  He was clean shaven, obviously showered..he looked absolutely stunning!  Previously, I've caught him after his workouts, or our meetings were last minute, and while he looked hot at the time, he was unshaven, or in sweats (which I thoroughly enjoyed).  This time..he definitely showed his goods as a model.  He cleans up well :)

We headed to the restaurant.  Again, me being Mr. Forward, I told him, there are some things we have to talk about.  He groaned, worried about what I would say.  Then I hit topic #1: my life, wife, family etc.  I told him I think he misunderstood what I said before about my previous relationship with Ross.  I told him Ross and I were together for 2 years and he knew my family, my wife even friends of mine.  But I think, he understood that to mean that they somehow approved or were aware of my sexual relationship with Ross.  That couldn't be further from the truth.  I am discreet, and totally closeted. My wife, my family, nobody knows that I'm into guys.  And that's the way I expect it to continue.  If that's not something he's OK with, I need to know now, because this won't work.

Keith gave a sigh of relief.  "I did misunderstand you and honestly, I was wondering how I was going to deal with being introduced to your wife and everybody as your boyfriend.  While that on the one hand made me feel good, on the other, I can't have the chance of being outed.  I don't want to be a home wrecker, but I don't want to have an open relationship.  I'm relieved to hear that I don't have to worry about you disclosing this to anyone.  That's what I want."

The next sigh of relief came from me.  That made me happy.  We were obviously on the same page.  I grabbed his leg and held my hand there.  "Ideally, we get along great..and we have what I had previously..and even better and longer, if possible.  I want to have a best friend, a buddy..for life if we can.  I'd love that."  "That's great..that's what I would want" he said.

We got to the restaurant, and found a table in the corner.  We both assumed this would allow us the best privacy to really talk about everything.  About 10 minutes into our conversation, another couple sat next to us in the table about 4 feet away.  I said, well there goes our privacy!  But we continued, as discreetly as we could to talk.

We drank a bottle of wine, and Keith filled me in on his life..his career moves.  How he worked for Abercrombie for a few years.  I asked him if standing shirtless in front of the store was a head trip, if it was an incredible rush getting all that adoration. He said it actually wasn't, that it was weird, and made him uncomfortable. Interesting...and I think that's good that he felt that way.  It shows he's not all about himself.

He talked a lot. :) All about his movement from one state to the other and finally about the call he got today.  Without disclosing too much., apparently, he was offered an acting role on a new series for TV.  Its the first such offer he's received, and he is very excited.  It could keep him in  town for a few months, at the least..even longer if things work out.  I'm glad I didn't have to have the pressure of him staying in town because of me.  This works for both of us, and we can take our time developing whatever develops.

As I drove Keith home..he pulled me over at a red light and gave me a great kiss. I grabbed his leg, he held my hand, and then moved it to his enlarging cock in his pants. We got to his block and it was getting late for me on a Monday (and I had a drive to get home) and we said good night.  He said call me, which I did as soon as he got in the door :) and he called me three times on my short drive home.
I got a little incite into what Keith was about-personality wise. He's not Ross, nobody is or will be. Comparing people is impossible though.  My previous relationship with Lance was really calming.  Talking with him was very relaxing because of his slow, Southern way of talking. Ross, was less so, yet, we could hang out and chat up a storm or sometimes have very little to talk about, but have a great time together.  I believe words aren't always necessary when your with someone you have a level of comfort with.

Keith? At times its hard to get a word in edge-wise almost. He is very nice..seems genuine..maybe being nervous made him talk more.  But between his phone going off and his talking...it wasn't the most relaxing dinner I've had.  I worry that his budding career puts me on the same path as that I was on with Ross.  In the beginning, plenty of time for me..then..as things heat up career-wise, the time for me gets less and less.  Its not me being selfish, but me needing someone that wants to be together as much as me.

Despite the negatives last night, there were many positives.  I did have a great time with Keith.  I think we have to gain that level of comfortness (him more than me) before I can judge how far this relationship will go. I definitelty want to work on it.  I definitely want to see him naked again too.  He's very hot!

California Dreamin'

Big news on the relationship front.

It was the typical email I get on one of my CL posts.  Awesome stats (23/m/ny/5"11/blonde/blue/160/6 pack/former A&F model) and an even better pic.  Fake right? Right in the trash? hmm..ok, I send a response..Where in NY?  and nothing..for days.

Typical CL bullshit!  But this time, Friday afternoon. I see he finally logs online and I IM him.  "What's up?" He hardly remembers my post, much less responding to it.  But we get to chatting, I remind him..and he seems cool.  Very discreet, not a lot of bullshit pic swapping back and forth, lets just meet for coffee.

So, I leave work a little easily, and head out his way.  As I'm getting there, I get a frantic email..STOP!  Friends just came over! Wait for me.  After an infuriating hour waiting and emailing back and forth, I tell him, listen, I don't know you, don't know whether your bullshitting me or not, and I'm just gonna cut my losses and leave.  He begs, and pleads..come by, pick me up, just so you can see I'm for real, he tells me.

So, figuring, nothing lost, nothing gained, I drive by and when he walks out of his house, he is everything his pic is and more.  Nice, lean, very cute, definite A&F type.  I find out Keith is the guy with his shirt off in front of the stores during the holiday season.  Amazing!

We drive around for a while, and I explain I have to get going, so lets chat again.  But, all night, he's like, non-stop with the texts..totally cute about it, but..nonetheless, non-stop!  We chat a couple times on the phone too..and he tells me he has very little experience with guys. Only bj's with a buddy of his a few times when he was drunk.  But, Keith for some reason, is feeling very comfortable with me..and gets a funny feeling in his stomach every time I call (sweet).  I tell him maybe its the swine flu.

Saturday morning, again, with the non-stop texts..and we agree I should come over so we can chat..some more.  And he owes me big time for inconveniencing me last night  This is sounding good.

I get to his house, and he's in blue sweats, and nothing else..  No shirt...no sneakers..and his sweats just hang low enough to see a little of his incredibly beautiful butt crack from behind as he runs up the stairs to his room.  We get to his room, and he's obviously nervous.  But, as soon as he turns around, I'm close enough to kiss..and we did.  Very hot.  After making out, I lower his sweats to reveal a hot cock, which I stroke and suck for a few minutes until he tells me its way good, and I should stop. :)  Keith proceeds to blow me, and we continue to kiss..he's a really good kisser..seems..a tad too comfortable kissing a guy, and sucking..but..hell, I go with it.

After we both cum, (I know, details skipped--just know we only blew each other and jerked off) we clean up, and he continues in his cute nervous way..but, we also kiss and touch each other.  Very nice..fun time.  He tells me he's a model, is out in New York on a shoot which ends in 3 weeks, at which time, he heads back to California.  Unless, of course, he finds other work here (or I say, other things to keep him in NY).

A very promising beginning..I felt very comfortable, and he IS super cute.  A bit youngish..but, that's how I like them.  To this day, it surprises me how I am able to get young guys like that..but he says, and I know, I don't look (or act) my age.  My body is pretty close to his physically, on a worked out comparison.  Keith is definitely bigger in the lats, I have bigger arms..his stomach is amazing, but, at my age, what I got is pretty good too. :)

I also wonder if the next 3 weeks will be one that I regret later on.  Maybe, as I am prone to do, I will get too involved with Keith, too hooked into him.  And if and when he leaves, it'll be the doldrums again.  We shall see...

***Update:

Over the rest of the weekend, its been non-stop Keith.  Texts, calls, etc.  He seems very interested, even said a few times how he now is considering staying in NY (for me?).    It's all too quick I think.  It's a big decision, I don't know that I want to have that pressure on me.  We agreed to have dinner Monday night, to talk..really get to know each other..so I can explain my situation..and he can vent about his....

I know I told him about my wife and kids.  My worry is I think, he feels they've approved of my outside relationships, which couldn't be further from the truth.  He mentions all the time that I should call him, but I tell him I can't...he should understand why, no?

Monday..it'll all come out. and we'll see...

It's Catching!

ching!It's been going around..no! Not swine flue you assholes!
The Survey!  It's been on a few blogs on my blog rolll..so, I guess I caught it...

1. First thing you wash in the shower?
My hair..I tell my kids, washing in the shower is like washing a car..from top down. (anal I know).

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
Hoodie?  I think this is the new name for sweatshirt..right now..its black.

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Yes, yes..and I hope to again very soon (see Mondays post!)

4. Do you plan outfits every day?
Plan? Not exactly.  I just take the next thing in line on the hanger..when its clean it goes in the back of the line (I said I was anal!).

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Feel great..nice..except I'm at work..

6. What’s the closest thing to you that's red?
Red? hmm..do the stipid work files piling on my desk count?

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
I don't remember..honeslty.

8. Did you meet anybody new today?
Yes, well..kinda..see Monday's post!

9. What are you craving right now?
Nothing..fully satiated.  Just had an apple.

10. Do you floss?
Absolutely..every night.

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
Corned beef.

12. Are you emotional?
Yes, at times.

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
Why would I? Am I missing something? It's now on my bucket list.

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
I don't bite ice cram..that's retarded.

15. Do you like your hair?
I do, which I had more of it in some places, less of it in others.  But the less can be buzzed, the more? I'd be a rich man if I figured that out.

16. Do you like yourself?
Uh, no..I'm evil.

17. Would you go out to eat with George Bush?
Yes, it would be interesting.  I'd say things after we're done eating like "Mission Accomplished" and then say, "oh right, forgot about desert, that ever happen to you George?"

18. What are you listening to right now?
Nothing..the typing on my keys.

19. Are your parents strict?
They were..I suppose stricter than others.

20. Would you go sky diving?
I would think hard about it...having kids..I don't want them to do stupid things...

21. Do you like cottage cheese?
I do!

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
A few..Keith Hernandez, Rusty Staub..uh..think that's all.

23. Do you rent movies often?
Never..

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
Nah...paper.

25. How many countries have you visited?
A few..South America..Brazil...

26. Have you made a prank phone call?
All the time when I was younger..well, does heaviy breathing count as a prank?

27. Ever been on a train?
Yes, all the time LIRR, Subway..

28. Brown or white eggs?
Either...but we buy white.

29. Do you have a cell-phone?
Yes..love it: BB

30. Do you use chap stick?
Oh my god, addicted.

31. Do you own a gun?
No..I'm anti-gun.

32. Can you use chop sticks?
Yes, pretty well. Can also drop food in my lap at times.

33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
Family.

34. Are you too forgiving?
Nah..hold grudges.

35. Ever been in love?
Yes, many times.

36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?
I don't know..he moved to Florida.

37. Ever have cream puffs?
Yes, they're ok. I like cookies more.

38. Last time you cried?
Hmm..when I broke up with Ross.

39. What was the last question you asked?
When does this survey end?

40. Favorite time of the year?
Summer..love it hot.

41. Do you have any tattoos?
Nope..want one..but, again, stupid things and kids.

42. Are you sarcastic?
Meeee??? Sarcastic?   Oh my god...the question is How sarcastic!

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
No.

44. Ever walked into a wall?
Yes.

45. Favorite color?
Blue.

46. Have you ever slapped someone?
Hmm..don't think so.

47. Is your hair curly?
Straight.

48. What was the last CD you bought?
God..can''t remember

49. Do looks matter?
Absolutely. (shallow)

50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
Wow..good question..I suppose I would have to try.

51. Is your phone bill sky high?
Nah..

52. Do you like your life right now?
Uh, sometimes..sometimes I hate it.

53. Do you sleep with the TV on?I hate the TCV in my room.  I like it absolutely quiet and dark.

54. Can you handle the truth?
The Truth? I cant handle the truth!

55. Do you have good vision?
Yes, now I do! Laser eye!

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
Nah..not truly dislike.

57. How often do you talk on the phone?
All the time at work..at home..I just let it ring.

58. The last person you held hands with?
Hmm..Ross.

59. What are you wearing?
A&F shirt, ripped jeans.  I look hot.

60.What is your favorite animal?
A dead one.


61. Where was your default picture taken at?
default picture? Do we all have one of those?

62. Can you hula hoop?
Yes..but its not pretty

63. Do you have a job?
Yes.

64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
A belt?

65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yes, when I locked myself out of the house.  Broke the window and crawled in.  Kids thought it was great. We were replacing the windows on the next day thank god!

Another Shrimp on the Barbie

Here's an email I received from someone down under:

******

Hey Mate

Just thought I would drop a line to say gidaye, I have just found your blog and would like to say thanks for your input to us all. AND the hot Guys u post

As u can tell I am an Aussie, I am a married bi/gay man who has been out to my wife now for about 20 years and still in the marriage and happy for 30 years together now. We have an open marriage as she understands I unable to  change who I am! So I am a very lucky man in that regard that I can hook up with guys from time to time.

This is just a quick summary of Wally Murdock.

I got married thinking once I married and had kids my desire to be with men would disappear from my being! At the time I was  a Mormon and my bishop who knew  about me  had me convinced this is would be the best thing to do and god will set it right? But I must not tell Carol anything of my past! We married.( we have no kids) My desire for men would not go away. after nearly ten years together   I decided for my own wellbeing as well as for Carol’s I must come out to her.. .. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life..mate I had my bags just about packed thinking she would not accept this and that I could move on to being who I am  man who loves men. After many tears  and talking  she wanted me to stick around and we would work through this together  and she was more angry with the Church bishop than me! who encouraged me to lie! so u can see we got through it all  are still together to this day.  Yes I love her and she is a great friend and we continue to discuss my life and hers.. as we get older it has become easier. She is now 60 and me being 62( but young  at heart)  but we   sometimes  do wonder what life would have been if we had separated  and let me be that out gayman and living with a bloke.  I stayed and we have done some wonderful things as a couple.

As for you ..you have to do What’s best for you and go with the flow! you have children and I did not so it was that much easier for me! but please  do don’t feel guilty about who you are! as it it will destroy you physically and mentally and  just come to the fact you are who you are . and I must say By the sounds of things you are dammn bloody good man and a real mans man..sexy and hot!

 I hope this has helped you in some small way that you are not alone.

Cheers and Love from me

Wally       

 *****

Looks like things work differently down under, or just maybe out of my household. I suppose having no kids makes things easier to come clean to your spouse.  It complicates things when you have youngsters around.

 But, I'm happy for Wally... looks like he's in a good place.

Ich Bin Ein Berliner

Those were the words spoken by then President John F. Kennedy on his visit to Germany in 1963.  It was his way of sympathizing with the West Berlinians 22 months after the Soviets erected the Berlin Wall as a barrier to prevent movement between East and West.  Kennedy's speech is now considered to be one of his best and boosted moral in West Berlin during a very difficult time.  Today, there are many commemorations of that speech in a now united Germany and his speech has been quoted by many.

That same sentiment can be used in many forums.  If only someone was so brave as Kennedy was at the time.  If someone stated "Ich bin African American" in the time of slavery.  If someone had stood tall prior to the World War II atrocities and said "Ich bin Jewish".  We all need to have sympathy and empathy for those in distress, in need and for the persecuted.

This week marked the passing of Matthew Shepard who was a student at the University of Wyoming who was tortured and murdered near Laramie, Wyoming in 1998. He was attacked on the night of October 6–7, 1998 and died on October 12 from severe head injuries.  During the trial, witnesses stated that Shepard was targeted because he was gay. Shepard's murder brought national, as well as international, attention to the issue of hate crime legislation at the state and federal levels.

Many bloggers have marked the passing of Matthew with touching and brilliant tributes. My intention isn't to try and exceed those tributes.  However, the events of the past few days have brought to light the need for the topic to be raised.  Last week, in Queens, New York, a man was brutally beaten by two men as he left a deli one night.

During the attack, which was captured on video, the man was pelted with anti gay comments and pummeled to the ground, leaving him with a broken jaw, fractured ribs and a lacerated spleen.  He remains in a coma recovering from his wounds.  Two men have been arrested for this bias act.

Currently, hate crime laws allow a judge to increase penalties if a defendant's motivation for committing a violent crime is proven to have been influenced by the race, religion or other characteristics of the victim.  Typically, hate crime legislation protects minority communities in this country.  The laws ensure that people who commit a violent crime are held accountable for their reasoning. The justice system was established to treat each and every case as unique and worthy of the utmost scrutiny, and hate crime legislation expands on that principle.

The current statutes permit federal prosecution of hate crimes committed on the basis of a person's race, color, religion, or nation origin when engaging in a federally protected activity.  Legislation is currently pending that would add gender, sexual orientation, gender-identity, and disability to this list, as well as remove the prerequisite that the victim be engaging in a federally protected activity.  They have aptly named the legislation the Matthew Shepard Act.

When West Berlin needed a moral boost, a supporter, President Kennedy rose to the occasion.  Nobody ever was so brave for African Americans during slavery, or the Jews who were slaughtered by Hitler.  In a time when hate crimes are prevalent and are seemingly increasing in our society based on sexual orientation we must act and stand up for what is right. Another great American, Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. once said:

           "There comes a time when one must take the position that is neither safe nor politic nor popular, but he must do it because his conscience tells him that it is right."

When will it be time for your voice to be heard?  When will you make your stand?

When the Nazis came for the communists,
I remained silent;
I was not a communist.


When they locked up the social democrats,
I remained silent;
I was not a social democrat.


When they came for the trade unionists,
I did not speak out;
I was not a trade unionist.


When they came for the Jews,
I remained silent;
I wasn't a Jew.

When they came for me,
there was no one left to speak out.

You can be make your voice heard.  Contact your Senator and insist this important piece of legislation be passed.  It is on the Senate floor and will come to a vote shortly.  I've contacted my Senator and made my voice heard. 

In 1963, Kennedy stood with the West Berliners.  You can make your stand now.

Ich Bin Bi

Ich Bin Gay

Congressional Letter

Contact My Elected Official

Capitol Hill Switchboard:  (202) 224-3121

Hump Day

Just trying to get over the hump...

Don't Ask Don't Tell

I'm confused...

I don't get the whole hub-bub about the "don't ask don't tell" policy in the military.  If you want to know my opinion, that policy should be applied to everyone, not just gays.

I don't want to hear from any guy or girl about how you bedded down some chick.  I could care less of how long you lasted, or how much sex you had.  Similarly, I don't want to hear how hard some guy fucked you the night before.  I didn't ask..please don't tell me.

I don't think anyone's sexuality should be shared.  Its an intimate time .. one that should only be shared between the two people involved.  Unless your interested (like if you volunteer to read a blog, or you purchase porn or a playboy, etc.) nobody should be forced into sharing your sexual exploits.  Frankly, I find it vulgar and gross.

Should gays be allowed to serve in the military? Absolutely. Do I want to hear them tell me their gay? Not necessarily.  But, that rule should be applied equally, gay, straight, and bi alike.  Nobody should share that information, unless I'm asking.

Don't Ask, Don't Tell is only objectionable because it only applies to gays.  It should be applied across the board in the military, and in reality, in everyday life.  I promise I won't ask..please don't tell me.

Columbus Sailed the Ocean Blue

In honor of Columbus Day, here's some guys around H2O:

My own perverted way of celebrating.. ;)

Just some Notes

Just wanted to update you on a few things...

I'm sifting through my blog roll (list of blogs on the right) and have contacted most of the bloggers to ask for them to reciprocate on their blogs and list my blog.  Most have added me and some have not responded or said no.  Those that remain are blogs that promote my blog (apparently that's how its done in the "blog world").

I'm thinking of instituting a Wednesday picture only blog called "hump day".  I will post only pictures on that day, and will try to keep up with the existing standards that I've set on this blog of steamy, sexy, hot, guys.  Also, as has been in the past, there will be no cocks shown (a collective "aww").  Those shots are available on any of the other blogs on the "Backroom" blog roll.

I've received a lot of great comments, most have been posted or have made columns.  Other comments haven't been so nice, and most of those have also been posted.  I try to post all the comments sent my way other than the ones that are downright nasty, mean or vulgar (and I have received those too).

I also have been wondering if I should remove that chat box, as it seems like I am the only one to post anything there, other than the few posted when I am not online.I thought it would add to the blog, but, maybe its just clutter, so unless anyone objects, it may vanish.

I have been contemplating broaching a subject that I havent yet..a topic that's very hard to talk about, much less share with all of you.  If you've noticed, something in my life, really hasnt been addressed in its fullest.  I am not only uncomfortable talking about it, but, I am afraid of the reactions I will get if I blog about it.  I am still thinking how I can write about it and if I will at all.  Jusrt keep in touch and maybe you'll find out.

Coming (Out) and Goings

Well, Sunday, October 11th, is National Coming Out Day. Thinking about a way to celebrate...hmmmm..

Should I "come out?"  It would be much simpler that way.  I could be out, and my wife and family could know about my attraction to other men.  Perhaps my wife would accept my sexuality, and my kids would easily transition from me being the normal, manly Dad that they know, to the Dad that likes other men.  Ugh..don't think that's happening.

I wish things were that simple.  It's not that easy to come out, whether you're gay or bi.  But when so many other people in your life depend on you...are growing up in front of your eyes, and you're responsible for their social adjustment and mental health..it's not just gonna work.

I applaud the people who are courageous enough to come out this week. One such person, Formysake
blogs on his coming out event.  I find his story encouraging, touching and wonderful. It must be tremendous relief to someone to finally be real and be themselves. If I had it to do all over again, maybe things would be different.  But, coming out right now, I believe, would have the result of severe consequences and terrible reactions for my family and kids.

I empathize with people like Formysake.  I'm jealous of their freedom.  I hope I don't come off as two-faced or hypocritical by encouraging my readers to follow in his footsteps, if at all possible.  It is much better, easier and healthier than living a lie.

Human Rights Campaign: Nat'l Coming Out Day